Dear Eric: My husband is 72 years old and I am 68 years old. He still works, and I am retired and I work part -time. We have been married for six years.
We maintain our separate finances and contribute both to basic expenses. He has much more in assets than me.
When we got married, I signed a contract contract he designed, saying he would set up a trust and his death, I give life rights on the house in which we live; I would not receive anything else. So far, he has not implemented confidence or writing a will.
I find that I receive more and more resentment about it. I could survive if he died, but I should move in a more affordable situation.
Do I have to push this problem so that I can make plans for my old age while I am still healthy, or wait for it? We hear ourselves otherwise. Am I wrong to expect him to put a trust in place to take care of me or leave me assets?
I wonder if an employment contract applies even if marriage lasts until death. I know times have changed and the expectations of roles also seem to have.
– Stress problem
Dear prenup: It would be wise to review the contract of contract with a lawyer as soon as possible so that you can have a better idea of what you have signed, what are the obligations of your husband and what remedies you have.
It seems that the employment contract is supposed to operate in conjunction with a more complex inheritance planning than your husband did not. Or, at least, did not update.
It would be useful to know if he has a will that predates your wedding and leaves the house to someone else, for example. Get as much information as possible about your joint financial situation and talk about it with a lawyer is not greedy; It is responsible.
The consultation you have with a lawyer can give you some options on how you can and should continue. Having an action plan can take the bite of your resentment, making room for a clear conversation with your husband.
Dear Eric: I was a lawyer when I started to have memory problems at 65 years old. I retired and then learned that I had a rare devastating dementia with a very short life.
Instead of providing me with support, my friends disappeared from my life, when I needed it most.
Friends can rally around you when you have cancer, leading you to chemo treatments, placing food and other things to support you; When you suffer from dementia, everyone disappears.
I have always been a sociable person and I miss it so much, but I don’t know how or where to start. Ideas?
– left by friends
Dear friends: People sometimes do not know what to do or say when they are faced with the disease, but it is not an excuse for the behavior of your friends and I’m sorry.
The Alzheimer’s association (Alz.org) has a multitude of resources for people with dementia, including support groups, online and in person. Being able to speak with others about what you live and feel will help isolation.
This could also be a moment for you to explore new volunteer opportunities or social groups that have nothing to do with dementia, depending on your care plan and your capacities. You are a person worthy of connection, with a multitude of experiences and knowledge from which others can benefit. Your company will be welcomed in a center for the elderly, a local outing group or an organization that aligns with your interests and your values.
If you have anxiety to navigate these spaces with dementia or if you need accommodation to feel safe, do not hesitate to reach out in advance and speak to a group leader in the way you can participate most comfortably.
Dear Eric: My 50 -year -old husband died suddenly last year. We had just moved to a retirement community. I always hurt deeply but not all the time.
My neighbor faces a similar situation. I start to feel an attraction. We have a final link and we get along very well.
Should I feel guilty of these feelings? I don’t know if it’s too early or if it was supposed to be. At least it gives me something to hope.
– Confused
Dear confused: Feel your feelings without judgment but proceed with caution.
It could be the beginning of something very special, but you will want to make sure to keep the communication open and move at a pace that prioritizes where each of you is emotionally. Above all, I encourage you not to rush. You get to know your neighbor, but you also get to know a new part of yourself.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas to eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and register for his weekly newsletter at Rercthomas.com.
California Daily Newspapers
