- I had trouble making friends when I was in school and college.
- I rather turned to books and I read how to make friends to see if I could learn something.
- I finally learned to make friends, and here are my tips for doing so.
Getting friends never came to me easily. I had the social disaster trifecta: introverted, shy and relatively clumsy.
Throughout school and college, I always made people who could befriend everyone around them. And even if I prefer to read a lot of a book on the train rather than getting stuck to talk abroad next to me, I have always wondered if I lacked something necessary to establish the lasting friendships that I had envy.
The books had always provided me with a form of friendship, so of course, I turned to the many dedicated on this exact subject: how to make friends. I would consult them for hours, reading them more than once and took notes on the steps they guaranteed would help me find friends. But a lot of advice seemed more focused on extroverts.
While the advice books gave me meaning, I realized that I had to do it in a way that has always remained faithful to whom I am. Here’s how I did that.
Start with common interests
The key to this is not abandoned if you do not click with a group immediately. I tried several biblical studies, for example, before finding the right one. Although it is frustrating to try several groups and put yourself there, it is really worth it when you finally click with people – and realize that you no longer have to look.
Make time and efforts
Although it seems obvious, I feel comfortable with my friends because I spent time with them and I know they care about me as I worry about them. But that did not happen overnight.
When I joined the Bible Study, where I found most of my friends, I felt shy and hesitant to share a lot on myself. Now I count these women like some of my best friends. But in time between the two, we have all made the effort to create the relationships we cherish now.
Be hand
Making efforts is not always a mutual company – in any relationship, there are times when a person just doesn’t have as much bandwidth. Although it offers me, I now know that it generally has nothing to do with friendship itself, but the more the ability of a person to be present in the relationship.
With my friends now, I am incredibly lucky that when I am stressed or overwhelmed, they show me the grace and intervene where I can’t.
Many of my past friendships did not work because we both stopped making the effort – and now I know that even if the other person stops, I have to keep my side so that the relationship survives. I would go away in the past, thinking that the other person would there. But sometimes it simply means that the one who was not drowned helps us to stay afloat.
Be quickly forgiven – and ask for forgiveness
I used to keep the old light, thinking that I was protecting myself to feel again. But I was really blocked to develop significant connections. It’s incredible what’s going on when you drop the walls and just admit when you are wrong.
Recently, I had a disagreement with a friend, and instead of letting myself feel resentment (which would have been my natural reaction years ago), I contacted him to apologize, and we have it work. For a friendship to last, the other must have more importance than our pride.
Get out of your comfort zone – when it makes sense
Sometimes developing a deeper relationship with others means doing something you would generally say not. This year, my biblical study went to the mountains for one of our friend’s birthday, and even if I am generally terrified to travel, I said yes anyway. I will never regret lying on the bridge of our cabin with my friends late at night, hiking in the smoked mountains, asking me if we would see a bear and order what I wanted for breakfast because that I felt quite comfortable around the people I was with it.
I am more than grateful to have found several beautiful friendships in recent years. Together, we tried new things (like online dance – something that I would never have imagined doing even a year ago) and have experienced the joy of spending so much time with the people you pick up the slogans on the other and adopt them as yours.
Although I am happy that there are books on how to make friends, I am grateful that I no longer need to consult them – I found my people.
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