DEAR HARRIETTE: I initiated the end of a three-year relationship with my boyfriend because I felt we were a little bored of each other.
However, now that three months have passed, I deeply regret this decision. My ex-boyfriend has always been kind and caring, and I realize that these qualities are not easy to acquire.
To add to the complexity of my emotions, he has since moved on and is now in a new relationship.
I have to admit that I experience feelings of jealousy, which are detrimental to my emotional well-being.
I don’t know how to react to these emotions and whether it is appropriate to express my regret to him. Also, how can I deal with the jealousy I feel about his new relationship?
I want to find a healthy way to move forward and learn from this experience.
— Full of regrets
DEAR FULL OF REGRETS: You have made a decision. Now you have to live with it.
Too often people break up because one partner seems boring or too routine. Yet in strong relationships, at least half of a team needs to be disciplined and predictable. Consider this a lesson learned for you.
Your ex moving on and entering into another relationship is also your cue to move on. You no longer have the right to go to him and ask him to come back to you. Allow him to have peace while he lives his life.
When it comes to jealousy, accept it as it is. You made a rash decision without thinking through all the repercussions. You’ll have to live with that.
When considering your next partner, be more specific about the traits and qualities you admire and welcome them when they appear.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m a 30 year old woman whose mother continually makes comments about my weight every time we interact.
This has been a recurring theme since my teenage years and I find myself struggling with the impact it has on my self-esteem. Despite my efforts to maintain a positive body image and focus on my overall well-being, my mother’s comments became a source of emotional distress.
I’ve tried expressing my feelings to him, but the comments persist, making it difficult for me to enjoy our time together. It’s hard to feel judged on my appearance rather than appreciated for who I am.
I understand the importance of open communication, but I don’t know how to approach this issue with my mother without causing further strain on our relationship.
– Stop bullying me
DEAR, STOP BULLYING ME: You may need to take some time off from being with your mother.
For her to understand that the way she speaks to you is not okay, you need to show her that when she makes these comments, the result will be that she will not spend time with you.
Tell him what the consequences are so everything is clear. Then continue.
You can point it out the moment she says something hurtful so she knows. Then walk away, hang up the phone, or disengage.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative aimed at helping people access and achieve their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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