I Gave My Kids Trips Instead of Presents for Their Birthdays

• During the pandemic, when we couldn’t travel, I told my sons they could pick a trip for their birthdays.
• My oldest picked Seattle, and my youngest picked Disney.
• It’s a gift to me being able to spend time with them and letting them call the shots.

In a few days, I’ll leave my husband and 15-year-old son at home while I board a plane bound for Orlando with my 13-year-old son. We’re going to the most magical place in the world at the busiest time of the year, and while I’m dreading the crowds, I can’t wait for the experience.

In those early days of the pandemic, when all of our travel plans had been canceled, and it felt like we’d never escape our four walls, I told my two sons that we would make up for the lost time when we could. I made them a promise: when they each turned 13, we’d take a trip anywhere they wanted to go in the United States.

It was a way to dream about brighter days and celebrate their milestone birthdays.

I got to see them in a different way

My older son, the quieter and more reserved of the two, turned 13 in December 2022. When we started brainstorming potential destinations, he was surprisingly decisive: Seattle. It was an unexpected pick for a teenager from Virginia who doesn’t know anyone in Washington state. Then I remembered all those nights he caught glimpses of the Seattle skyline while his father and I watched “Grey’s Anatomy.”

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Maybe that image stuck with him, or maybe it was just his love of big cities and rainy landscapes. Whatever the reason for his choice, we were bound for the Emerald City.

When we arrived in Seattle, I saw a different side of my son, a quiet confidence that is often overshadowed by the chaos of daily life and squabbles with his brother. It took a couple of days for him to stop asking, “What are we doing next?” and to believe me when I told him that we could do whatever he wanted.

He selected our meals and set our schedule, and we lingered for as long as he wanted at his favorite places — the top of the Space Needle, among the sculptures of the Chihuly exhibit, among the fishmongers flinging their catch at Pike Place Market.

It felt different than a regular vacation

I was charmed by the things my son found interesting and the details he noticed. Walking in the rain back to our hotel one afternoon, I was struck by how different it felt from our usual family vacations.

Those trips are wonderful in their own way, but they often involve a lot of compromise and juggling everyone’s interests. This trip, though, was tailored entirely to my son’s curiosity and pace, and it gave us a chance to connect in a way that felt new. We ate a lot of pizza, claimed a favorite doughnut place, and — since he’s as much of a night owl as I am — stayed up far later than we should have, giggling over late-night TV that I hadn’t watched since before he was born.

Our trip reminded me that he’s not just my child but his own person with a growing sense of identity and independence.

I’m grateful for the time I get with them

Now, I’m gearing up for my younger son’s birthday trip. He turned 13 in September, and his destination of choice was EPCOT in Florida to “eat around the world” in the World Showcase. We’ll also be spending a day at Magic Kingdom and a day resort hopping to see the holiday decorations, and we’ll rate and review our meals and snacks as we go.

Compared to his older brother’s urban excursion, this feels a little less bold, especially since he’s typically the more adventurous of the two, and we’ve done Disney as a family. But I’m looking forward to seeing this trip through his eyes — and being surprised by what he chooses and what holds his interest when it’s just the two of us.

I’m grateful for the opportunity to share these moments with my sons. What started as a pandemic promise has become a tradition I love. I’ve already floated the idea of doing international trips for their 16th birthdays.

My older son wasted no time declaring that he wanted to go to Australia, while my younger son is leaning toward Paris. Wherever we go, being able to travel with them is a privilege that I don’t take lightly.

What I hope they someday realize is that sharing these birthday trips with them is a gift for me, too.