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Dear caution,
My boyfriend has had a series of rolling health problems that require emergency trips, which is horrible. But the worst part is how he acts when he is there: he does not ask questions, does not push care or do not remind the medical staff that he is alive. He had a heart event instead of warning the nurse of his symptoms because he feared that he “bored” the guy who had other patients. In each ER where I went, if you are not firm to the point of doing medical care. I work at two o’clock, so I can’t always be there immediately.
I love him and take care of him, but I’m not his mother. Going to the doctor or emergencies when things go wrong, but not asking questions or talking to the doctor about his symptoms becomes a huge problem. He will return home and the problem will continue untreated, and I will eventually bring him back to the emergency room when I come home, or we will have to make a second expensive specialized appointment because he did not ask for answers the first time. I cannot always be there, and honestly, navigate doctors for an adult who will not do it for himself is the least sexy thing I can imagine. I know I must be sympathetic because he is sick and frightened, but I’m crazy. I know that the self-avocado would not make him sick, but that would help! I am not PTO and I worry what will happen the next time it will have an emergency if I cannot leave work. As a teenager, I was hospitalized alone in a foreign country where I did not speak the language, and the broken bones / work accidents / severe asthma sent me to the United States almost times. I have always emerged metaphorically from the fights. I know that it fears, but if you don’t tell people what you need in a system in sub-effective, you will not get it. What can I do? Tell him to be firm does not help.
– Support as you want to live
Dear act as you want to live,
I don’t want to be too hard here, so I’m going to start with admission: I cried because I thought my husband (then the fiancé) did not drink enough water. He was fine. I just feared that he would one day become dehydrated. So, I must totally love someone and want them to take better care of themselves. But this little break on hydration problems is now a joke in my marriage because, well, it was ridiculous!
You must remember, as I did, when I realized that: he is an adult we are talking about. You mentioned that you are not his mother. And it does not seem that he has even complained about you or asked for help. In addition, it is not as if he had a dangerous disease and refused treatment. He goes to the hospital, he simply is not as asserted as you. It is authorized. And it is not an automatic death sentence.
I think you are right that self-advocation and insurance help get results in medical circles, but the healthy thing to do would be to share this insight with it and then stop. Do not push. Don’t stress. Let him make his own choices, reminding you that all kinds of people with all kinds of personalities find their way in life without your advice. And if it is difficult to imagine washing your hands for the situation, given your love and your care for him, think about it this way: at this stage, you direct it and are angry and frustrated, but you do not really manage to get him better care. So what is it to lose if you allow him to manage things by himself? If it is partly the finances that worry you, he can plan and pay for the expensive follow-up of the specialist himself.
One last thought: I often find that when I really end up someone else who does not do something in the “good” way, I focus on their shortcomings instead of something in my own life that needs just as urgent improvement. Remember to turn to yourself and be so clear and honest on what you see because you want your boyfriend to be with emergency doctors.
Please keep short questions (
Dear caution,
Openly LGBTQ + people are not common in my culture. I have a friend who comes from the same background as me. The fact is that I am sure he loves guys. I do not know if there is someone in his life, he has opened on this subject, but I want in a way let him know that I would be a safe person to talk to. I don’t feel like I can ask him, because it is really anyone’s business if he is not ready to share. But it hurts to imagine that he may suffer in silence.
Sometimes, when he says something denigrating on LGBTQ + people, I will slowly grow back with something in the sense of “being LGBTQ + is not the end of the world”. But I am afraid that if I had to repel stronger than that, or if I leave too much alluding to what I suspect, I could frighten him. Unfortunately, I have the impression that there is absolutely nothing that I can do until he decides that he is ready. Am I right?
– Question if he questions or not
Dear questioning,
I think you could adopt a more difficult position than to say that it is “not the end of the world”. What about something like: “Are you serious?” It’s 2025! ”; “Perhaps that makes me a bad one (member of the community of which you are part), but I am absolutely for people who go out / like / who are attracted to / sleep with whom they want”; Or: “I know that is what we learned as it grows, but I can’t get on board.” And if you have “come out” as an ally, you can use what you publish and share on social networks to point out that you are not homophobic, and you do not agree with LGBTQ + discriminated or otherwise mistreated people.
In addition, work to identify energy acceptance in other ways, which means to make sure that in your daily conversations, you are not too critical of anyone. Be soft with your friend if you come to you with less controversial admissions – as if it is missing the deadline to deposit its taxes, does not enter the dental school or does not tell you that it has social anxiety. Make sure you encourage him to be kind to himself, to normalize what he is going through and to remind him how much you think of him. I hope that if the day comes that he wonders: “Who could I talk about love the guys?” You will appear in his mind as someone who has always been an open -minded friend and without judgment.
Finally, remember that even if you are right about his sexual orientation (do not be too sure that you are!) And even if you send all the right messages, the decision to go out will be informed by many different factors, and a favorable person may not be sufficient to make him feel that he can make him safely.
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Dear caution,
I occupy the role of senior management in a course during my school. Because of my post, our teacher asked for my contribution to senior management for next year, and I therefore know which students will be in which positions. This is very important information for everyone in this course during the course, and since our teacher said that I know, many people have asked me questions about it. I cannot tell anyone.
So far, I especially reminded people than they will discover in a week, and that I really can’t tell them. But they continue to bother me on this subject, and I would like to be able to have lunch without constant questions. How can I keep people away and make them patience? (I guess patience is not really a line that adolescents are known, but still.)
– Please stop asking
Dear please stop asking,
Ask the professor who mentioned that you have this Intel for Also Mention that they made you promise not to share. Perhaps the said teacher can even suggest that there will be consequences for everyone in the races if you TO DO Share too early. Then appear at lunch armed with a more interesting conversation Subjects.
CLASSIC PRODIES
I scored my two boys in an exclusive private school in our new hometown. During a school event, I came across a pretty woman whom I did not recognize. She came and asked me if I remember her. It turns out that she was someone I intimidated in high school. After that day, I noticed that other mothers were slowly avoiding me. I think she must have told them how I intimidated her …
