DEAR HARRIETTE: My roommate repeatedly borrows my clothes without permission and returns them stained or stretched.
I recently discovered that she was also using my laptop without asking, leading to screen scratches and unauthorized downloads.
Confronting her about these incidents makes me uncomfortable and worried about potential conflicts.
Unfortunately, moving is currently not an option for me due to financial constraints. I just want to live in an environment where I don’t need to check everything.
— Disrespectful roommate
DEAR DISRESPECTFUL ROOMMATE: You and your roommate should establish ground rules for living together. This should have happened before you moved in, but here you are.
Get over your concerns about conflict and think about appropriate boundaries for healthy living. Invite your roommate to sit down for a meeting with you. Tell her you have concerns and need to discuss them with her.
Explain that even though you are roommates and have to share a space, you didn’t expect her to wear your clothes or use your computer without your permission. Tell her that you were surprised to notice that she did these things. Point out that you noticed some of your clothes were worn, dirty, and stretched, even though you’re sure you didn’t lend them to him. Likewise, explain what you noticed on your computer.
Ask him not to use your things without your permission. Period.
Sit back and listen to what she has to say. Sometimes people blur the lines because that’s how they grew up. For example, if she had siblings who generally wore each other’s clothes, she might not have thought about the fact that you are not her brother and, therefore, she does not have the same rights.
Do your best not to judge her, but rather to understand her. Then, come to an agreement on what you can share and what remains off-limits.
Lock your computer and store valuable clothes and accessories in suitcases if you need to keep them out of reach.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a suggestion for “Pageant Woman,” who wants Barbie arms while still keeping it authentic: try working on your arms.
Using a simple box of fruit or vegetables can help. Start by doing a set of 10 loops, then work your way up to two sets, then three sets. You can incorporate them into your daily activities – while waiting, watching the news, etc.
– You can do it
DEAR, YOU CAN DO IT: I love your practical idea! Rather than envying someone else for what they have that you don’t, or resorting to extreme means like plastic surgery – especially if the rest of your body is still out of shape – act.
By the way, for all of us who sit in front of our computer screen for too long, day in and day out, doing a few arm curls while sitting in front of that computer can pay off – even if you’re not directing towards the competition life!
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle stylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative aimed at helping people access and achieve their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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