I found my libido. No one told me what would happen next.

How to is Slate’s sex advice column. Do you have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear how to do it,

I am 43 years old and have been married to my wonderful husband for eight years. We have two beautiful children. I was just diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and started the typical carbidopa/levidopa treatment, with good results. My libido is back!

After seeing it slowly come to a halt over the last 10 years, this is very welcome. However, somehow, after two months of treatment, I woke up not feeling monogamous. This is not unusual in Parkinson’s disease, but unlike a new craving for fries, this craving has serious societal and marital implications. My doctors and my husband are aware of what is happening; I don’t hide or keep secrets, and we adjust other medications to see if that helps. But what if that’s not the case? My husband identifies as monogamous. How can we manage this?

—Suddenly scandalous

Dear Suddenly Scandalous,

In the short term, patience is your best bet. This shift in direction in your relationship style may be temporary, and if it passes, your problem will go with it.

If not, you have a range of potential options. To know which ones are feasible, you and your husband will each need to think about what you are open to and where you are able to compromise. For your part, a good start would be to look into what it means to “no longer feel monogamous”. Do you fantasize about others? Is there anything about these other people that your husband could replicate in a role-playing scenario? Can you both, like a fantasy during sex, make up stories about being with other people as part of an agreement that none of these words will turn into action? Do you just want to have sex with strangers or do you aspire to have full romantic relationships with multiple partners? Get an idea of ​​what you want, then discuss it with your husband.

It will be helpful to start by confirming your commitment to him and emphasizing that all decisions are mutual and that his comfort and boundaries are as crucial to these discussions as your desires. Take it easy. If the emotional temperature rises, take a break or postpone the discussion for another day. Lead with your mutual love and respect, and you will likely find a solution that works well enough for everyone involved. In the meantime, it’s worth asking your doctors if there are other patients with a similar experience you could talk to or support groups you can join: the power of peer support is truly immense .

—Jessica

More advice from Slate

I am a 68 year old man. My whole life it has taken me a very long time to reach orgasm. There have been many times my wife has told me to “finish already.” As I got older, it started to take even longer. When I masturbate, which is not often, it takes me longer than 30 minutes, if at all. (I often give up.) When my wife and I make love, I have to fake a climax because I no longer have the strength to have sex all the way through.