A man has tragically revealed how he still blames himself for the death of his friend following his suicide almost 30 years ago.
The Reddit user posted on the platform on Thursday under the caption: “I found my friend after he killed himself with a shotgun, I still blame myself.”
He wrote: “This happened in January 96, when I was 18, he was the same age.”
The couple had grown up in a town of 2,500 and graduated from high school in 1995 with a class of fewer than 60 children.
The original poster (OP) stated that he and his late friend had spent a lot of time together from kindergarten until graduation – and that they were aware that his friend was having “issues” with his girlfriend .
A Reddit user has expressed the guilt he still feels over the death of his friend almost 30 years ago. Pictured: Stock image not of the teenagers involved
The original poster (OP) found his friend dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound in January 1996, when they were teenagers. Pictured: Stock image is not of the teens involved
The two frequently hung out after school and the OP even remembered using his late friend’s satellite dish to watch porn.
He then described the last time he saw his friend alive.
He said: “I was aware that he and his daughter were having problems, typical teenage bullshit as far as I didn’t know anything serious.”
He explained that while the two were watching their girlfriends play basketball, his friend left just before or after the game ended.
The OP revealed that his friend asked him to go away with him, but he refused so he could spend time with his girlfriend.
“Being the horny teenager, I wanted to wait for my girlfriend in hopes of getting lucky before she had to come home (no spoilers),” he said writing.
Once he dropped his girlfriend off at her house, the OP decided to check on his friend and see if he was feeling better.
“When I arrived, no one was home but the lights were on and his car was in the driveway,” he wrote.
“So I went down his stairs and yelled at him, I got no response but I heard Van Halen playing so I assumed he just didn’t hear me and I I went up the stairs.”
Once he entered his friend’s room, he found him face down on his bed, wearing blue jeans rolled up.
According to the OP, his friend died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound and used his toe to pull the trigger.
“With a shotgun nearby and blood everywhere, I was stupid enough to get close enough to see things that no one of any age should see,” he wrote.
The OP ran down the stairs to call the police but discovered his friend had picked up the phone before killing himself.
Not knowing what else to do, the Reddit user said he went to see his girlfriend.
The two often hung out after school and had been friends for years. The two hung out more once they began dating. Pictured: Stock image is not of the teens involved
“I drove to my girlfriend’s house and my mind was wrestling with what I had seen, dismissing it as not reality,” he wrote.
“She and her family finally convinced me to call the police, which I did and luckily they arrived before his parents arrived to find him, which is the only saving grace of the whole thing. “
But he added: “If I had left with him after the match he might still be alive.”
Over time, the OP said his girlfriend’s relationship began to deteriorate in part because of his friend’s death.
“My then-girlfriend and I lasted a little longer after that, but I think the event caused me to put undue pressure on her,” he wrote.
“She was my safe space and I think I became a bit obsessed with her to be honest and it ended up driving her away shortly after.”
In the years since his friend’s death, the OP said he’s managed to find some happiness.
He drove to his girlfriend’s house almost immediately after meeting up with his friend and their relationship began to deteriorate after the suicide.
He revealed that he is now married and has a 16-year-old son who is “autistic and amazing.”
“We live the American middle-class life that she teaches. I have a technology consulting business and we get by,” he said.
“So no, guilt didn’t ruin my life, but it shaped who I am today, probably in ways I couldn’t express.”
He claimed in a comment that he didn’t believe he had spoken to his friend’s girlfriend since her death.
The OP has seen his late friend’s parents several times and although they were always nice to him, the Reddit user admitted that he “couldn’t stand seeing them.”
Reddit users who saw the post asked many questions about the situation and others comforted the OP in the comments section.
Reddit users asked the OP several questions about his friend’s suicide and also offered support to the post’s creator.
“I know you’re saying you feel like it’s your fault and I know this will sound like a broken record, but it’s absolutely not your fault,” one Reddit user commented.
“You not going with him that night isn’t the reason he did that.”
Another user offered condolences to the OP and shared what it was like when their oldest friend committed suicide.
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