I found a way to connect with my teenager – we work together

• My elder is 14 and a half, and it is not unusual for me to be ignored, insulted or shouted.
• I try not to take it personally, but I always need my teenager know that I am there for her.
• Recently, we discovered that we like to work together.

As the mother of four daughters, aged 7 to 14, I thought I would be Prepared for adolescence.

I was so naive.

Have a teenager is wonderful, funny, messy, revealing and joyful but can also be frightening.

Unlike all previous ones parental stepsYou can no longer make fun of yourself that you control anything. Not when your adorable cooking baby is your size, slamming a door on your face, ignoring everything you say, or informing you that our outfit makes you “look like a potato”.

I never wanted to be My child’s “best friend”. However, it was shocking how different our relationship was (apparently overnight), although each parental book for adolescents warned me that this would happen.

Initially, I took it personally: insults, responses to the eyes, marted monosyllabic answers. Now I’m looking for ways to keep the communication channels open between us.

As exercising together, which has become a Love language We both appreciate it.

Connection via shared passions

One of the challenges of my relationship with my eldest daughter is how similar we are, from our physical characteristics to our personality traits.

I understand why she needs to push me back. I behaved identically to the adolescent.

Although we can connect to a shopping excursion (teenage girls tend to be nice once a purchase of Sephora has been made, at least for a little while), our passion shared for fitness and sport really gathered us.

Move together

As a teenager, I wanted to become a professional ballerina, spending my days training at the American ballet school in Manhattan.

My daughter is a junior cricket player at the county level, not a dancer (we live in London), so we both understand the importance of having a passion for something you want to live and breathe all the time.

Not everyone will understand the concentration, discipline, commitment and sacrifice required, but my daughter reminds me of myself at their age.

Last year, my teenager started training in circuit as part of her school sports program; I had started to lift weights to strengthen strength during the perimenopause. We trained in the living room, where my daughter asked me to launch bullets in the courtyard. Slowly, we found ourselves doing spontaneous fitness sessions, like going for the strange race or heading to the gymnasium of the Hotel Ensemble on vacation.

Instead of exploding in a screaming match, we often laughed during these gym sessions. My daughter gave me training councils; I would generally beg her to switch to lighter weights (and she would ignore me). But in one way or another, it was effortless – and fun.

These training sessions never consist of “improving” appearance, although my daughter likes to take a new speed or a new step. We discuss merits to be strong rather than thin, but we also know that we do not exercise only for our body. With our busy minds, exercise is our happy – soothing but energizing, motivating and grounding place.

Learn a new language together

A teenager often involves rejecting your mother in one way or another. I agree with that, but whatever the number of doors that are criticized on my face, I want to make sure that my children always know that mine is open.

Communication can be different from what we expect. When we train, my teenager and I are especially silent. Sometimes I’m going to ask my daughter what song she listens to; She will wonder if she can “borrow” the training top that I wear for our next session.

Sometimes she attracts my attention and smiles in the mirror behind her. As if she knows that I am here to spot her, encourage her, support her – in life, as well as in the gymnasium.