Dear Miss Manners: My fiancé and I chose not to register for gifts.
Not only do we want to do what is appropriate, but we already live together in a small apartment and have neither the need nor the space for additional household items.
We also do not want to request money from our customers. And since the marriage is in the small hometown distant from my fiancé, which is not easy to travel, we would be really satisfied and grateful for the presence of our guests, not to mention the gifts (overused as this sentence can be).
What do we say to the guests who inquire about a register? “We are not recorded” feels too frank, but is it presumptuous to add, “please ask”?
I also fear that guests expect us to put register information on our wedding website, that we have found as a useful tool for sharing details on hotel blocks and travel. Would it be appropriate to add a note to the site that we are not recorded?
I could imagine that the guests are waiting for a register tab to appear, only for them to feel bad when you never do it.
Mild player: Stop in suspense, my dear.
The website is very good, and say that you are not registered in response to a question is not blurred if it is delivered with a smile – or without, if the same parent requires the fifth time.
Now Miss Manners has a word for parents and other guests:
Could you please stop harassing the couple about a register? They say they have enough things and only want the pleasure of your business, which should be quite easy to understand.
If you feel forced to send something anyway, then yes, you will have to spend a few minutes to think about what they might like. If it’s too many problems, could you at least keep these feelings for yourself?
Dear Miss Manners: I was dealing with someone who complained about a political situation, which, according to him, made him very sad and frightened.
I sincerely answered that I was sorry that he felt so bad about the situation and I hoped that he felt better soon.
Then he complained of “people who say they are sorry but who are really not sincere”.
Was there a way to express my sympathy for the way he felt bad without agreeing with his vision of the political situation?
Mild player: There are, and you have already done so. The best way to avoid a fight with someone who seems to be looking for one is not to worry about the subtext.
Dear Miss Manners: When you attend family events, what is the polished way of refusing installation for photos that end up being published on social media sites without my permission?
People put photos in their albums at home, but now they are displayed without discrimination, and it really bothers me.
If I want my photo on social networks, I will publish it. Not someone else.
Soft reader: Offer to be the photographer.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, gentlerader@missmanners.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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