Dear Harriette: My boyfriend recently offered me, and I said no – not because I don’t want to marry him, but because of the way he did it.
He offered in a baseball match in front of a huge crowd, and it seemed completely bad for me. I don’t even like sport, and he knows it.
I have always dreamed of a more intimate and significant proposal, something that reflects that we are in a relationship. Instead, I felt caught off guard, uncomfortable and even a little embarrassed.
I panicked and I said no in the moment, but now I wonder if I reacted excessively.
The fact is that it is not only the proposal itself. It makes me ask me if he really understands me and what I like.
If he had thought of making him personal and special, I would have said yes in the blink of an eye.
Now, I felt disappointed, and I don’t know if I should simply go beyond it, have it tried or take this as a sign that we might not be as compatible as I thought.
Am I unreasonable to feel this? Should I tell him about removing the proposal in a way that seems good to me, or is it a red flag on our future together?
– The proposal went wrong
Dear proposal went wrong: Sit and talk to your boyfriend. Excuse yourself for having reacted so strongly and negatively to his proposal. Explain that he took you off guard. Then say specifically what you feel.
Remember that you don’t like sport, so you had the impression that his proposal did not take you at all or your feelings. It led you to wonder if he knows what you appreciate.
Tell him that you are open to marry it, but now you worry if you are on the same wavelength. Ask him to share his reasons to offer this way.
Try not to be accuser while you are talking to him, or he could clamour and stop talking.
Dear Harriette: I grew up with Christian parents and Christian friends in a Christian church.
I believe in God and I read my Bible from time to time, but I find it hard to call myself with all Christian confidence. Part of me has the impression of not doing enough, and I wonder if I would be criticized by those who do more than me.
Is it normal to feel so unsure of my own faith?
– Christian in training
Dear Christian in training: There will always be people who will doubt who you are, the strength of your faith and what you do with your life. Don’t worry about these people.
Instead, if you want to have a better understanding of your faith and your role, remember to go to adult biblical school. You are never too old to study or to deepen your faith. Maybe your church offers such a program. Otherwise, look online. Your name can have specific courses, workshops or immersion activities that create opportunities to dive into your faith.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of Dreamleapers, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to Askharriette@harriettecole.com or to the syndication Andrews McMeel, 1130, rue Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106.
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