DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 300 pound woman. I am funny, friendly and intelligent.
I went to a luncheon and had conversations with many strangers.
A tiny woman had finished part of her lunch and packed it with her dessert when she looked at me and said, “Oh, I was just going to tell you that you could take your dessert to go, but I see. you’ve already eaten it.
I was going to say, “I’ll try not to judge you if you don’t judge me.” But it didn’t feel right. What would you say?
GENTLE READER: “Yes. It was pretty good.”
Miss Manners doesn’t rule out the possibility that there was implicit criticism in what the woman said, but since nothing she actually said was rude, let’s instead follow the policy of not looking for d ‘troubles.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: In restaurants, it seems that the last way for the waiter to take the order and present the bill is via an electronic tablet.
I agree with the ordering part, but not with the billing.
First, in many cases the server comes to your table and simply gives you the amount you owe, then stands there and waits for payment. This can be annoying, especially now that many of us use cash to avoid credit card fees, and servers seem to get impatient, especially if they’re busy.
Second, I like to review my bill before paying to make sure I’m not overcharged or undercharged (yes, I will tell the server when he or she is missing something and undercharges me).
When I ask for a hard copy to review before paying, I’m often met with rolling eyes and other subtle expressions of impatience.
What is the best way to answer this? You wouldn’t buy anything else without being able to see the full price; why would a restaurant be any different?
GENTLE READER: The best way to deal with subtle expressions of impatience when asking for a copy of the bill is to ignore them. The best way to deal with rolling eyes (which are, according to Miss Manners, not subtle) is to ask to speak with a supervisor.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Almost a year ago, I left Canada for Europe.
I have a close friend who I have contacted several times since leaving to suggest we chat online. I get a brief response saying, “We should do this.” » No time is proposed.
More recently, she has been searching for information that could help her in her business. I immediately gave her the information she wanted and again suggested we find a time to chat. His response again was, “Yes, we should do that.” »
I then decided that the ball was in his court. I haven’t heard from her for three months now and I’m a little hurt.
Should I give up and assume we weren’t as close as I thought?
GENTLE READER: People sometimes use such vague wording to hide their ambivalence. But since you’ve never suggested a time either, Miss Manners recommends that you suggest one lest your friend suspect that you’re also feigning interest.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to his email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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