I come back with the fact that I will not be grandmother

• It took me a while to accept that I would not have my own children.
• I finally realized that I liked to spend my own time; I could throw children from my friends and then go home.
• Now, as my friends have grandchildren, I accept that I will not be a grandmother.

A few weeks ago, I attended a baby shower that my friend held for her daughter. After eating, someone transmitted cards, asking guests to share parental advice. I looked at the card with a fixed air. What advice did I have to give? I had never had any children. I had thoughts but no real experience. I noted some answers from a word.

Later, after we answered Trivia questions on the different stages of the first year of babies, I listened to the newly created mothers and grandmothers shouted answers. I did not know a single answer. Twenty-five years earlier, I might have left this party in tears, saddened by the fact that I had never been a mom and that I would no longer be a grandmother.

Finally, I realized that I could be happy without becoming a parent

I clearly remember the day I accepted without realizing my longtime dream to have children. I was 44 years old and I had just returned from a day to Central Park with one of my best friends and his 2 year old son. The little boy had tired me and I felt really happy to go home, to lie on the sofa, to snuggle up with my dog ​​and to have the rest of the day for me.

I already had romantic relationships with the two children of my other best friend, so knowing that I would have the privilege of seeing the three children grow up and being part of their lives was enough for me. I could love them, attend their recitals, concerts and graduates, while having time and the freedom to browse the world and to prosper in a career that involved late nights and weekly business trips.

A few months after one of these children got married, she tested me a photo of an ultrasound and told me that her little daughter was to be planned in six months. Of course, I cried with joy. But, in the weeks that followed, I started wondering what role I could play in the life of this little girl. I knew I was important for her mother. After all, I had just given an honorary role to her marriage. But the baby already had two grandmothers, and I knew that my best friend would be particularly devoted. Would I be described as a aunt in air quotes when she tried to explain her friends to me?

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No, I won’t be a grandmother, but it’s okay

I knew it was only the beginning of a new era of my life. I feared to feel the punches of pain and to regret each time that someone announced that their daughter, daughter-in-law or daughter-in-law was pregnant-the same pangs that I felt when my friends shared their own news imminent maternity. Would that hurt each time my phone has fun with a newly sent photo by SMS or an addition to a shared album, as he did when my friends encouraged me to browse the pages of their “Books of boastful”?

I don’t need to worry. I easily found a place in the life of the little girl. His mother, just like her grandmother, believed that the more people loved this child, the better. If I wanted to take her baby with love, she was ready to let me do it. Not having the same work and travel obligations as when my friends raised their children, I could spend even more time with this baby.

I made sure to visit every week to get my baby dose and let this child know that I would always be part of her life. Soon, we were organizing parties in the park, brunches and dates around Manhattan, and cook in disorder in his grandmother’s kitchen. If you ask her who I am for her, I’m just her Ilene. I agree with that.

He’s a winner-winner for everyone. I have the joy of spending time with her and now her one year old brother; They both have another person to love them. My friend receives a break in the tasks of grandparents, and my friend’s daughter has another person in the village to help raise her children.