I chose solo trips on maternity; Did I make the right decision?

Most Sundays, I go to Playa del Carmen beach, Mexico, with a papaya, a blackberry and a bowl of banana fruit wrapped in my bag. After a few hours of sun, sand and salt water, I go home, I shower and I call my father.

Our conversations are generally fast and light: how is life? How is business? What’s for dinner?

But a recent Sunday, my 70 -year -old father changed speed. He wanted to discuss his end -of -life wishes: funeral plans, house and family inheritances. It was not a sad conversation, just practical.

However, after hanging up, I panicked. My father is my last close parent. When he left, I don’t cry only. I will be confronted with all the weight of being alone in the life that I have created with pleasure.

I built a solo life abroad

I have lived abroad since 2018, traveling solo in 10 countries with a groored backpack and a bag of property of goods. Originally, I planned a three -month trip to Thailand to reset my life, but it turned into something bigger.

It was not my first adventure abroad. At the beginning of the twenty, I joined the Peace Corps and served in Togo, West Africa, where I met my ex-husband. I have always held a vision of us traveling throughout Africa with a child or two trailer. However, marriage ended after eight years. I met another gentleman who also promised me that one day, we will travel the world together. After five years, I had to face the fact that he would never affect.

At 40, I was still single and childless, so I chose myself. I moved abroad and I haven’t stopped traveling since – building a life that I like.

No freedom has prepared me for this new type of fear

I thought for years that the construction of a life abroad was full of sunrise on new beaches and friendships through cultures would be enough to last the rest of my life. And it was, until this Sunday call.

My father’s occasional conversation on mortality rocked me. Her voice has always been an anchor, a living thread connecting me to my roots. The idea of ​​losing it triggered something deeper: who would take care of me when he left? Who will be in my corner when I need help? Who would remember my birthday without Facebook reminder?

I did something more sober: the chosen families and the dynamic friendships that I built abroad may not be those by my side when I am time for me to pass.

It is not regret. I do not regret choosing freedom, travel or childless life. I am grateful for the woman I have become. But faced with the possible loss of my father marks a new chapter in my life, where I understand that I have to create an even stronger root system for me.

Now I create a new vision for the future

Since this conversation, I have started to reinvent my future.

Instead of deriving from one place to another, I make foundations for something more permanent. I threw my goal on San Miguel de Allende, a city of colored artists in the center of Mexico known for its creative energy and its strong community ties.

I dream of buying a Spanish colonial house where I store my collection of medicinal herbs in the kitchen, my favorite kitchen books and my travel memories in the living room, and organize dinners around the pizza oven fired at the back. Having a house will help me establish deeper relationships that extend beyond traveling companions.

I am also dedicated to improving my Spanish so that I can really connect with the neighbors, not just Wave Hello on the other side of the street. I want to be invited to family dinners and be part of the local fabric – not just a passing visitor.

This moment does not concern the fear that goes beyond my life or regrets my decisions because I am proud of the solo life that I built. Rather, it is a question of choosing to live more intentionally than ever before.

Now, as I approach 50, I learn that choosing freedom also means choosing to anchor new ways. The next chapter of my life will not concern wandering; It will be a question of belonging.

Halona Black is an independent memory coach who writes on food, travel, well-being and spirituality. It can be contacted Liendin.