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Dear how to do it,
I’m in a great position. I‘my unicorn. I‘m in a red state. I‘I’m new on the scene, post-divorce; to do the housework; attractive (but not young); lots of free time this summer. I‘I’m on Feeld (released/with photos) and am interested in trying MFF threesomes (safe haven).‘I’ve had one since college, it’s‘it’s been a while), in addition to trying the replacement for the first time. I’m getting a LOT of interest; I have my first date with a couple this weekend and a line of other couples. Here are my questions:
How can I get the most out of it? I think I want to have a slutty summer. How can I protect myself? (I‘I use PrEP and will use condoms.) What should I ask/look for? Is there a “jargon” manual? I do not have any‘I don’t understand some of the “lifestyle” vocabulary.
And finally, this one comes a little out of left field: is there any chance I could incorporate this into discreet, paid sex work? I really like feeling like a hot commodity, and the idea of getting paid makes me wet, and some extra money would be nice.
-Unicorn
Dear Unicorn,
Don’t count your unicorn eggs before they hatch. Or maybe the circumvented cliché is more like: Don’t put the cart before the unicorn. No matter how you slice it (with your horn, of course), you’re ahead of the game. In fact, you haven’t had any of these connections yet and you’re already considering making more and potentially charging for them. By all means, line up a group of prospects and plan to make do, but keep in mind that real-world experience can change hypothetical plans. Don’t let that dream you have of a slutty summer keep you from forming lasting relationships that you might want to pursue.
Condoms and PrEP are a great combination. You may also want to look into doxy PEP, which offers high protection rates against bacterial STIs like syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. The treatment process goes like this: you take 200 mg of doxycycline (an antibiotic) within 72 hours of potential exposure to an STI and… that’s it. If you have difficulty taking antibiotics, it may not be for you and you may also receive pushback from a prescribing doctor. This is a relatively new treatment strategy, so not every doctor you meet will agree (if your PCP doesn’t prescribe it, try making an appointment with a pro-health care provider). LGBTQ+, since this may be a challenge in your red state). If you have not received Gardasil, a vaccine against certain strains of HPV, including major cancer-causing strains, do so. Even though FDA recommendations limit the age, you should be able to get vaccinated at any time, you may just have to pay out of pocket. It’s worth it.
There are a few online resources for swinger/poly lingo: check out this swinger glossary on Reddit and the Ready for Polyamory glossary. But part of communicating with people who aren’t familiar with the lifestyle is learning through experience. Don’t be afraid to ask questions: It may be worth keeping partners with the patience and compassion to teach you.
There’s a chance you could incorporate this into sex work, but listen: I can’t advise you to do anything illegal, and people on Feeld aren’t generally looking to pay for sex. There are a lot of excited people on the app. People who want to have sex with you, upon learning that it costs money, may wonder why they should have to pay for it when there are so many people willing to clown around for free. Success in romantic relationships does not necessarily confer success in sex work.
You also need to consider the hidden costs of this type of work: it’s not always as easy as both of you getting by, enjoying it, And you get a nice little bundle of bonuses. The worker-john dynamic is different from the FWB-FWB dynamic. Adding money into the relationship can complicate things and some transactions aren’t entirely clear. People who pay you for a sexual act may treat you as if you owe them a debt beyond what was agreed upon. This is not to vilify sex work or anyone involved in it. I just want you to understand that it’s not always as simple as it may seem from the outside, and it may not be the best place to indulge your whims and earn a few extra bucks.
One way to take advantage of your connections, however, would be to look into creating content through a platform like OnlyFans. This comes with its own complications, including finding couples willing to film and your reaction to the comments you receive as a result of being exposed as well. But it may be a simpler way to approach your desire.
Dear how to do it,
My husband and I, both in our early 30s, have been married for several years. Although we are very similar in many ways, one area in which we differ greatly is gender. I like to have sex; my husband is obsessed with it. He always, always pushes us to try even more things, buy even more tools, and once we’ve experienced one new obsession, he’s already desperate for the next one.
Over the years I have gone well beyond my own interests/limitations for him, and we have tried everything from BDSM to pegging to anal, purchased many items including prostate massagers, costumes and wigs anime, and fleshlights, makes promiscuous chats and photos in various forums, and much more. He also expressed continued interest in a threesome or some other form of invitation to others – that’s a hard line for me.
My current problem: Due to a recent hysterectomy, I am not allowed penetration for three to four months. We‘I’ve had breaks before because of the birth of our children, but never this long.
He started going crazy on the second day of his recovery, signed up for OnlyFans and spent hundreds of dollars only to realize that this was the case.‘that’s not enough for him. Now, he‘He texts me constantly saying he can’t stop being obsessed with anal, day and night. We’ve tried it several times before and I really hated it and won’t do it again. He refuses to pleasure himself, and even though I hate giving blowjobs, I’ve tried, but he won’t finish even after 20-30 minutes and many different tactics. I‘I asked for feedback/directions, but he says so‘it’s just him and ends up getting even more sexually frustrated and refusing to finish.
I hate. This. And I really don’t‘I do not know what to do. He‘It’s great oral and I’m happy to give it to myself, but in reality I’m fine, resting and healing right now. His constant lack of release puts him in a very bad mood and he continues to want to engage with me, but at this point he‘It just makes me feel disgusting. HELP! What can I do here? We‘It hasn’t even been a month!
—Sad and scarred
Dear sad and scarred,
I’m always wary of imposing the word “abuse” on a situation that a writer hasn’t labeled as such. But it seems like it might apply here. Either way, your husband’s sexual selfishness has crossed the line. You went “well beyond (your) own interests/limits for him” and what did that get you? Cajoling and what appears to me to be attempted coercion. You “really hated” anal, and it couldn’t be a secret, and yet he was constantly texting you, obsessed with anal. You hate giving blowjobs, but here you are, trying in vain to make him cum with your mouth. I wonder what your sexual satisfaction is like, because the story you sent leaves no room for it. It didn’t even give you a chance to heal from major surgery. These are inhumane conditions you live in. About their sex life/partner dynamic, no one should write: “I. To hate. This.” And there you are.
I wonder why your husband refuses to masturbate. From the information you provided, I can deduce that it’s because he thinks it’s your job to get him off. If that is indeed his mindset, it is imperial and puts you in the position of essentially being his sex toy with a pulse. It is encouraging, however, that at least one of your hard lines is respected (the trio thing). If you are determined to make this work, I would continue to draw those hard lines. I would tell him that you. To hate. This. I would let him know that sex, which can be a way to deepen a relationship, has become a burden. He shows a general lack of respect for your body; you are unfortunately responsible for demanding respect. You can point out to him that you’ve been complying with his requests for a while and now you have one: to be left alone while you heal. It’s so simple. You can’t make him jerk off, but you can certainly create an environment where he has no other choice, lest he beg for wet dreams before bed.
When all else fails, block and ignore. Don’t even agree to these requests until you’re ready and let him know you’ll tell him when you are. I don’t want to portray your husband as evil. He’s not considerate, but it seems that prioritizing his pleasure has worked well for him. He asks and receives. Is he beyond the limits? Yes. But he may just think that’s how it works when one party in a relationship is more adventurous than the other. If that’s the lesson he learned along the way, he can and should unlearn. You may need an impartial third party, such as an advisor, to help clarify it. If everything else in your relationship is good, it’s likely that he fundamentally respects you and will be able to show it through his actions. He just has a lot of work ahead of him.
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Dear how to do it,
My (F51) partner (M36) is an incredible lover…
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