When I became a mother, I devoured parental books, hoping to find the “good” way to raise my child. After all, there is a myriad Parenting experts There, and they all seem to promise that with good techniques, parenthood can be as simple as to follow a formula. And, to be fair, each of these methods has helped in its own way.
But, 13 years old and three children later, I learned that my most efficient parenting Style is not at all a formula. It is more like a flexible flow state, adapting to each situation – and each child – if necessary.
What works for a child does not necessarily work for another
In the first years, when I always thought there was a “good” way of doing things, my first baby made me feel like a parental prodigy. Very early on, she was SleepEat well, and was generally easy to live. Naturally, I wrote this temperament to my follow -up of expert advice and I congratulated myself on having learned to be an excellent mother. Then my second baby arrived and blown this theory in pieces.
What worked for my first did not work at all for my second. The techniques that I served before, like the “5 S” of Dr. Harvey Karp for soothing babies, were only leaving my new baby screaming stronger. And nothing humiliates you more quickly than an inconsolable newborn which refuses to be appeased by a control list.
So I went back to the drawing board, groping my way through the first days of parenting and according to my son’s signals to learn what adjusted him instead. It was defiling, but he also taught me a Great parenting lesson At the beginning: there are not two identical children and parental strategies must look with them.
The author has learned that flexible parenting works better with it. With the kind authorization of Tiffany Nieslanik
Flexibility allows me to be a more reactive parent
As our third child was born, I had no expectations. I had a complete tool component of ideas, thanks to all this reading that I had made and the five years of parental experience I had acquired, but no illusion that an approach would work universally. This flexibility made me a quieter and more responsive parent. And not only during baby years.
As our children grew up, it has become even more obvious that everyone managed the world differently. I also learned that, as well as soothing techniques had to vary, the same goes for emotional support. One of our children wants a silence Space to deal with big feelings; Another needs immediate hugs and reassurance. The third is somewhere between the two. And it continues to change as they age. We have learned to remain adaptable to what they need at an age or a situation given according to what we see, rather than a set of steps.
These days, I’m just a parent, no necessary superlative
Over time, I found that focusing too much on a specific parental philosophy left me more normative instead of supporting each other. If I spent too much energy worrying about how a “mild parent“I would answer, I was not really paying attention to what my child needed at this special moment.
Parenting through a rigid script has generally ended with frustration for all of us, but parenting through presence was another story. It helped us feel more connected and usually solved the problem faster. Without forgetting, like anyone who was with the children quickly realized, following something rigid is difficult.
These days, I am less interested in labeling my parental style and I focused more on being the parent my children need at this precise moment. Parenting, for me, is not to find the “good” system to follow. Instead, it was flexibility, pay attention to my children and meet them where they are, with what patience, what curiosity and the compassion I have at that time. It may not always be perfect, but it’s okay.
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