Amanda Hedges will never forgive herself for “forgetting to live.”
The 31-year-old thought she had enough time to take a beach vacation, go to the zoo or visit the snack aisle at a Costco one day.
After all, only one of his grandparents died, and his impressive health record seemed to follow suit. She had never been to the hospital and hoped to live a long time.
She therefore “devoted most of her life” to work, to worries and simply “to existing”.
Now she is dying of cancer.
The young woman from Brisbane has glioblastoma, an aggressive and terminal brain cancer.
It’s inoperable, and even though she fights through seemingly endless rounds of chemotherapy and radiation, it won’t cure her.
“The idea is to prolong my life, the cancer will not go away,” she told FEMAIL.
Amanda Hedges, 31, has only months to live after contracting cancer
The young Brisbane woman said she “forgot to live” her life and wanted others to remember what’s really important.
The heartbroken young woman’s cancer horror began in September when she experienced some mild headaches after increasing her anxiety medication.
“I talked to my psychiatrist about it. They weren’t bad headaches and they went away with Panadol,” she said.
Her psychiatrist suggested an MRI, she had never had one before and the specialist noted that it might be a good idea, given her age.
After the exam, Amanda was sitting in the waiting room when the radiologist approached her with a clipboard and told her they would have to repeat the process with contrast.
The bubbly blonde blurted out a joke, but didn’t realize the punchline would make her world collapse.
“I laughed and said sarcastically, ‘What did you find… a brain tumor?'” she recalled.
“And the radiologist looked at me, impassive, and said ‘yes.’ »
Amanda immediately felt the room enter on her, it started to spin then went black.
Amanda is an only child and says she feels compassion for her father and mother who will have to live with her cancer diagnosis much longer than she does.
She says her friends and family have been there for her, making her realize how she prioritizes things sometimes.
“I was sitting in the MRI and trying not to cry. Because if you cry, you move and they need a clear photo,” she said.
The next day, she went to the doctor with her parents, but it was rather reassuring news.
“My doctor said the scans showed a mass but it had firm edges and most brain tumors were benign,” she said.
There were no major symptoms so everyone felt confident. Amanda was told she could wait a month to be seen by a neurosurgeon in the public system, or go private and be seen the following week.
Because of her history of anxiety, she opted to go the private route, she couldn’t imagine “not knowing” for weeks.
The doctor prescribed a FETPET scan, a special scan only available through private healthcare, an EEG and a CT scan.
Both the EEG and CT scan looked good. But the specialist’s exam lit up, prompting her doctor to schedule a biopsy the following week.
“The scan showed that the tumor was active, but benign tumors are not,” she explained.
“And if you think of scanning as a traffic light: green is good, yellow is more concerning, and red is very bad. It was all red and yellow, which meant it was very active.
The biopsy revealed the tumor was cancerous and Amanda began seeing oncologists, first meeting with a chemotherapy specialist who explained her options.
She says her mother’s support and bright spark help her stay positive even though she knows she doesn’t have long to live.
The first week of radiotherapy was difficult for Amanda
But those options were abandoned a week later when she saw radiation oncologists. He had the full biopsy results and revealed Amanda’s terminal diagnosis.
“My mom and dad were blurting out questions and I felt like I was shutting down,” she said.
For Amanda, only one thing mattered.
“I finally asked, ‘How much time do I have?’ and the doctor told me maybe 15 months,” she said.
Its cancer is typically seen in “older adults” aged 60 to 80, with most living between three and 24 months after diagnosis.
“I thought it would be good because I was young, I could last longer. But my cancer is big, which means it’s already been there for a while,” she said.
Amanda’s first six weeks of treatment included radiotherapy and chemotherapy and left her feeling nauseous and short of breath.
“It ended three days before Christmas. I was asleep on Christmas Day,” she said.
Two weeks later, she has finally recovered enough to think about how she wants to live before she dies.
“If I had my time again, I would do everything differently,” she said.
“I would book a vacation to Bali, or I would go to the buffet, or I would have a beach vacation without worrying about all the little things, or the money,” she said.
She has a few weeks, until Jan. 23, to make some of her bucket list dreams come true — before she starts chemotherapy again and feels too sick and limited by how far she can travel from the hospital.
“I really want to stay in a hotel on the beach, listen to the waves and forget that I’m dying. Forget that I’m me. Be someone else for a few days, relax and have fun,” she said.
“I’ve also always wanted to go back to Australia Zoo and see Robert Irwin do a show. I saw his dad make one when I was a kid, but I always put it off until later.
“And I really want to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet. I guess the hotels would take care of that,” she laughed.
Less than two weeks before receiving chemotherapy drugs again, she realized she had to live her dreams now.
“I can’t do these things when I’m nauseous or if I’m on chemo every day,” she said.
Amanda created a GoFundMe to help her manage her list of priorities and the medical bills that continue to pile up.
“The radiation was $750 a week, the FETPET scan was $1,000. I have top-notch health insurance, but it doesn’t cover everything,” she said.
“I looked for hotels on Caloundra Beach, but I was shocked by the price: it’s around $3,000 for a week,” she said.
She is currently receiving Centrelink payments as she can no longer work and has used up her super.
She wants young people to examine the way they live their lives and take stock of what matters.
“None of my old bosses or co-workers sit with me while I go through chemo,” she said.
“It’s my mother, my father and my friends who are here to support me through all of this.
“I wish I could live again so I could stop worrying about the little things and have fun.
This photo was taken after his brain biopsy, just weeks after his MRI.
“I would spend more time with people who really matter, I would make more effort to meet someone and have children, to travel.”
Amanda also wants to go on a cruise, but is not allowed to leave the country due to her insurance. A “three days” if she feels ready to do it in the future will have to be enough.
“I also just want to go like Sushi Train on no budget. Just grab what looks good instead of mentally adding up each plate, too afraid to spend $30 on sushi.
Amanda’s condition remained stable, with her main symptoms of fatigue, nausea and shortness of breath coming from the treatment.
But things could get worse at any time and when they do, “it will be quick.”
“The doctors say I’m going to start having seizures and that will be a sign that everything else is going to get worse,” she said.
She will then likely become blind in her left eye and eventually her vital organs will begin to shut down.
“They don’t know how long the cancer has been around or when it will start happening, but it will happen,” she said.
“I still haven’t processed everything. I thought I had a lot more time.
“I wasted 30 years of my life doing nothing and still got cancer.”