I always have the surname of my ex-husband; Change is expensive

When I was younger, I did a lot of things that some could call stupid. I also did something that I was told that it was only part of life that everyone was supposed to live: when I got married, I changed my last name to correspond to that of my husband.

This decision cost me a lot emotionally and financially.

Sixteen years later, I am finally on the way to change my name because I can no longer bear to bear the name of my ex. That said, the process was more expensive and bureaucratic than what I expected, which made me want me to have been stuck to my young girl’s name from the start.

My family conditioned me to get married

Marrying the person I made was a mistake in itself. I did it because my conservative education told me it was what I was supposed to do. I was told that my way was to get married and have children. I had already had a baby outside the wedding, so when I met my ex-husband at work, I entrusted it as an IMI; Later, it turned into a romantic relationship.

When we talked about getting married, my soon-mari suggested that we should have the same family name because we had planned to have children together. He said that all our names were to match. Everything happened very quickly and I made a quick decision because I felt obliged to do it. I changed my name reluctantly. Fortunately, I made sure I had given our children family names with my young girl name so that they can have both names.

Our relationship ended in 2009.

I took the divorce as a step to make a new start

I did what I could to take the divorce as a welcome opportunity to get away from everything and try to start again in a fresh way in any way possible. Unfortunately, changing my name after divorce was more difficult than what I expected.

Although it may seem minor for some, it is actually expensive and complicated. I was not automatically given a name change when my divorce was finalized. I didn’t know it was. I had to stick to the family name on the paperwork for decades despite not being together.

I have to go to several agencies, each with its own costs, to be able to request and finalize things. I would need to obtain copies of the divorce documents of a clerk, to file a form requesting the modification and to pay between $ 150 and $ 435, depending on the state in which it is filed.

Once the things are finalized, I will also have to change all my IDs. There is a cost to obtain a new license and a new passport, for example. And there is the additional non -monetary cost of time because it is not very easy to obtain all the documents necessary for each of these steps. In the end, name changes are not the fastest or easiest process for someone, but it was so easy for them to change when I got married first.

Although I did not take the measures to legally change my name, I decided to pass my young girl’s name. But not everyone respects this. My mother insisted that she lists me by my name formerly married instead of my elected official in family obits, for example, saying that it was “legality”.

I came to learn how something as simple as a name change can be complex. With HR 22 – also known as Save Act – going to the room, I regret having changed my last name than before because it could make me ineligible to vote. People like me, whose birth certificate does not correspond to their legal name, could encounter difficulties in registering to vote and update their registration for voters. A way to get around it would be to get a passport, but it comes with a price of $ 130.

There is a lot of power in a name. This is why I decided to resume mine.