How to have a rich and fulfilling relationship with grandparents – the County Orange register

Q. I’m waiting for my first baby in a few months. My recently retired parents, whom I love, are moving so that they can be close to us when the baby arrives and later. It will be their first little child. My concern is that they already present “redemption” trends. Do you have any suggestions on how to manage this without hurting their feelings? THANKS. Baby

Congratulations for having the first addition to your family, an exciting and joyful period. There are ways to define certain parameters. But first, let’s talk about a grandparent.

If you wonder why grandparents care so deeply about their grandchildren, it all started a million years ago in the plains of Africa, writes the geriatrician Dr. William Thomas in his book: “What are the elderly? How the ancients will save the world. “:

“A mother gave birth to a hominid child after long and exhausting work. She was barely enough energy to breastfeed her baby and not enough energy to feed or take care of her other children, ”writes Thomas. “A miracle has occurred.”

The maternal grandmother came to the rescue and intentionally shared her food with her grandchildren. It was a decisive moment that created a new support scheme that has brought to other families. With whales, elephants and giraffesHumans are among the rare species whose grandparents deliberately help to raise their grandchildren. Thus, this feeling of care has an evolutionary history.

Grandparents are important for a family and much more.

Here are some facts on their role as reported by The American Labor Department::

About a third of the adult population are the grandparents. It is nearly 70 million adults.

In 2021, 2.74 million children were raised by their grandmother, or 3.2% of all children in the United States

Grandparents are an “economic force that should not be ignored,” wrote the marketing company around 46. They spend Nearly $ 180 billion a year On the grandchildren.

There are recommended ways to deal with the relationship between grandparents and parents of a next sweet baby. This implies a conversation on limits and expectations. It may seem premature, but it is could be useful By avoiding future misunderstandings.

Here are some:

Make your expectations known. His parents are not readers of the mind. If you like unexpected drop-ins, remember to give your parents a key and welcome them. If it is not your style, book family times and let them know with love.

Explain your choices if necessary. Times have changed since the grandparents had babies. You may have to explain why you spend more than $ 1,000 on a sleeping cradle that helps babies sleep on their back and switch them or why you read a book on the baby whisper.

Understand the limits of grandparents. This can involve baby-sitting. Do grandparents want to be on call or would they prefer a more scheduled duration for visits such as expenses every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday afternoon with your baby? Would they only prefer baby-sitting only during the day if they want to avoid night driving?

Grandparents can have a significant impact on grandchildren.

Source of wisdom. The grandparents have experienced good and bad times and have precious life lessons to share. These include their experiences of perseverance as well as their young escapades, with lessons that we do not always find in manuals or online resources. This oral tradition of transmission of knowledge and experience is considered a timeless means for grandparents to contribute to the growth and development of their grandchildren, according to The Alden networkA senior health care provider.

Conservative of tradition and culture. We can consider grandparents as guardians of family traditions and culture. The rituals and customs they transmit to their grandchildren enrich the feeling of belonging and identity of grandchildren and are important links to promote relationships between generations.

Source of support. Grandparents can offer a safe place. In our rapid and sometimes confusing world, they can provide a feeling of safety and stability. These are good listeners and generally provide empathy without judgment. This emotional connection improves the feeling of children’s belonging and reassurance.

Participating in reciprocity. The Grand-Parent-Petit-Enfant relationship is based on mutual affection and admiration. Grandparents find the joy of seeing the growth and development of grandchildren. At the same time, grandchildren almost always appreciate their unconditional love and cherish their company, knowing that they are special for their grandparents. In addition, the two generations have the opportunity to learn from each other. This intergenerational exchange Enriches lives and creates an inheritance that can continue for generations.

BB, thank you for your good question. Take advantage of your new baby for many years to come as well as the romantic relationship with your parents. As a new mother, don’t forget to be nice to yourself and sleep as much now; You will need it later.

Helen Dennis is a nationally recognized leader on aging issues and new retirement with academic, business and non -profit experience. Contact Helen with your questions and comments to Helendenn@gmail.com. Visit Helen at Helenmdennis.com and follow it on Facebook.com/successfulingcommunity.