Kitty Horblit (left), Karli Mananship (Center) and Hannah Bruns (right) Dance in Stud Country, a national queer line dance event on March 25, 2025, in Brooklyn, NY
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A quick note: This part uses the word “queer” as a inclusive term for those who fall outside cisgenres or heterosexual identities. Although “queer” can have many applications apart from gender or sexuality, this piece mainly uses it in reference to these categories.
Jolie Elins, 25, can identify the exact moment when she found her queer community: during a queer dance party called Pays de Goujon In Los Angeles a few years ago.
In the middle of a sea of cowboy boots and fishing nets, Elins says they loved The feeling of trampling in unison alongside other “queer people who wanted to do this bizarre and niche thing”.
“It was a very clear new chapter of my life where I could explore my oddity with people like me,” they say. Elins, who lives in New York, is now dancing online with his friends several times a week.
Whether during an online dance evening, the Kickball League, the reading club or the bar, being part of a queer community can affirm, especially for those who enter a new identity or a new sexuality, says Elsa LauA clinical psychologist who leads a support group for queer professionals.
“When you are in a space where people actively applaud you because they see part of you in you, it makes these things more real in your body,” said Lau.
A crowd line dance at Stud Country in Brooklyn, NY, March 25, 2025.
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He can also provide a support network for people with feelings of shame, sorrow or anger around their queer identity, adds Lau.
If you are curious to join a space that can make you feel at home in your queerness, the queer organizers share advice.
It’s ok to have a impostor syndrome
If you have just started exploring your queer identity, it may be intimidating to join a queer network or enter a queer space, explains Sasha Jones, CEO of CuteAn organization based in Los Angeles which creates events for people in color.
“The most difficult part is negative self-discourse, impostor syndrome. The” I don’t know if I am quite strange “,” explains Jones. New arrivals can be suspended from where to go, what to wear and how to act in these places.
But this fear “is society that bothers that we live in our truth,” says Jones. So give yourself a certain grace. “There is no good or bad way to be a queer.”
Distribute what you’re looking for …
Just because the members of a community have the same queer identity that you do not want to say that you will connect, says Lau. “They can have shared experiences, but they could have different careers, be in a different phase of life or have radically different values.”
You may want to spend time with people who have the same Racial or ethnic identity, handicap, neurotype or common values. Or you may want to spend time with people who share the same hobbies and the same interests, such as cooking, mahjong or climbing.
So “search exactly what you’re looking for,” said Jones. It could be as simple as looking for “black queer events” or “sports Events for trans “in your region. It recommends using Reddit, Instagram or another social media platform as a database.
… Or try something new
Top: from left to right: Karli Mananship, Hannah Brun, Pretty Elins and Kenya Jacobs Line Dance in Stud Country in Brooklyn, NY, March 25, 2025. At the bottom left: Carter country participants practice a partner dance stage that has just been taught in a lesson. Bottom right: people dance under the disco lights at the clearing.
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At the same time, throw a large net. Your strongest connections can eventually come from something you have never considered, as a queer bowling alley or a night queer night. Follow your curiosity, explains Jones.
Sean Monaghan, co-founder of Stud Country, often sees this dynamic during his dance evenings. “There are so many examples of people who had no dance experience and two left feet. Now, they are among the best dancers of the party.”
Ask a queer friend to join you
If you are nervous at the idea of attending a queer event for the first time, don’t be afraid to ask for a business, says Monaghan. “Ask someone to go to a gay bar with you.”
And remember: “No one knows anything about you entering a space,” says Jones. “They don’t know if you came out yesterday.”
Create your own space
If you have gone to a few different queer events and no I felt like your atmosphere, it’s okay. “Create the space you want to see,” explains Maya Satya Reddy, founder of Queer Asian Social Club.
When Reddy graduated from the university, she had trouble finding Queer Asian colleagues. It wanted a space separate from other traditional queer spaces, which can be mostly white, cisgenres or specific to gay men.
So she started handing her hand to other color organizers in San Diego, California, where she lived. Soon his own organization left the ground. Consequently, Reddy says: “I no longer feel invisible.”
If you have itchy to start your own space, “do it,” says Reddy. “Cold email.
Trust the process
Do not be discouraged if you cannot find the right queer network in your region. Remember that the community can take several forms, said Dheivanai Moorthy, steward of Bluestockings cooperative bookstore. Go to queer people on social networks or in an online forum. Or read books or poetry by queer authors to feel a feeling of connection.
No matter where you are looking for your people, know that you will find them. “People Queer and Trans are not going anywhere,” said Moorthy. “We have always been here.”
Digital history has been published by Malaka Gharib. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We would be delighted to hear you. Leave us a vocal messaging at 202-216-9823, or send us an email to lifekit@npr.org.
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