From 2009 to 2013, my life felt like a three-ring circus.
I was working on my doctorate in business administration, raising my 3- and 5-year-old children, and working part-time. I was doing all of this as a newly separated mother, trying to live alone and be a parent.
Mornings were panicked as I tried to feed, clothe, and get the kids to school with a healthy lunch. I often ran on less than five hours of sleep.
I made their bedtime early and non-negotiable. Once the kids were asleep, I had from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. to do dishes, prepare lunches, tidy the house, do laundry, and do my doctoral work. This was an online PhD, so outside of lectures, I had several articles to read for each course and discussion posts to respond to. I spent 40 to 60 hours a week doing homework and homework.
It was a lot to juggle, but I did it. These 5 strategies have helped me stay sane in the chaos.
My parental duties have always taken priority
I wasn’t going to win the Mom of the Year award, but if my kids were clean, fed, and not bleeding, that was a win in my books.
Still, I’ve found real ways to connect with my kids, like a little board game or an elaborate blanket fort. I didn’t take my kids to as many activities as I would have liked, but I focused on the life-saving ones, like swimming lessons. I thought the rest could wait.
I would sometimes forgo sleep a night to finish my doctoral work if they needed more time with me.
During breaks from the doctoral program, we would go camping or visit family. The children looked forward to these moments without having their noses stuck in a book. I had always involved them in vacation planning, and one year my daughter said she wanted to go to Mount Rushmore. So that’s what we did. She would hopefully remember this trip more than the hectic pace of the previous months.
When in doubt, I distracted myself by doing something else
With a house to clean, food to cook, children to raise, and my PhD in progress, there was always something to do. Sometimes I felt paralyzed because I didn’t know where to start. So if I found myself disappearing, I would switch tasks to something else I “had” to do. I call this productive procrastination.
Don’t want to read any more discourse analysis articles? Wash the dishes. You don’t want to write a literature review? Collect LEGOS that will act as painful landmines on the 3 a.m. trip to the bathroom.
I avoided alcohol during the week
A few drinks when I was supposed to be focusing on my PhD work often led to poor decisions, which led to me having a few more drinks, which then led to me taking a night off, thinking I was would have time to do the work. the next day. Drinking as a coping mechanism had become a habit. Life was hard and alcohol numbed the self-critical voices in my head.
I decided to avoid alcohol and caffeine during the week because I didn’t have time for artificial highs or lows. After a difficult month of stopping suddenly, not drinking became a better habit.
I found small moments to prioritize physical health
I had absolutely no time to go to the gym, but there were things I could do to stay healthy. I did what I called “three for me,” which was one minute of wall sitting, one minute of plank, and one minute of sit-ups.
There isn’t a day you can’t find three minutes for yourself. I read newspaper articles during the three minutes, which was one of my few successful multitaskers.
I also put together a five-day meal plan for healthy, quick, and different meals for every night of the week. We had dinner at the table talking about our days and connecting. I also used the weekends to decompress and go for a family walk – where we could all get some much-needed vitamin D and recharge in nature.
I remembered my “why”
I had chosen to do this and the end was in sight. In a moment of depression — after yelling about how exhausted and overwhelmed I felt — I found a therapist online whose video said my brain would listen to everything I told him. She encourages people to say, “I chose to do this. I’m happy to do this,” even if they don’t. When I was feeling particularly whiny and this advice wasn’t enough, I thought like Nike and said out loud, “Do it.”
I also remembered my “why”. My “why” would be to look at the mirror or sit across from me at the breakfast table. I had to remind myself that I was doing my PhD to get a better-paying job that would give me more purpose and give me more time with my children.
Nadine Robinson holds a doctorate in business administration from Athabasca University. She is a part-time professor at Sault College, keynote speaker and freelance writer. Follow her @theinkran.
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