DEAR ABBY: When a girl gets married, how do divorced parents sit, walk down the aisle and behave? — ALMOST THERE IN NEW YORK
DEAR ALMOST THERE: Above all, divorced parents should act like adults and bury their hostilities (if any) on their daughter’s special day. Tact and diplomacy must be paramount. Depending on the circumstances, the “person of choice” must accompany the bride down the aisle. If there is a father-in-law, some brides ask each man to walk with her halfway down the aisle.
If parents are cordial, Emily Post says they can share the front row. If not (and I’ll keep it short), the mother sits in the front row with her loved ones behind her. The father and his relatives are seated behind his ex-wife’s family. (If the bride is separated from her mother, the father and his family take first place.)
DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter, “Kate,” is 22 years old. Her baby is now 6 months old. She is the first granddaughter and great-granddaughter. Kate refuses to allow my mother to hold her baby. My mother held the baby in her arms several times, but my daughter immediately rushed over and took the baby from her. At the last family gathering, Kate also wouldn’t let me hold the baby, because she said I could let my mom hold him.
It hurts my heart to see mom treated this way. I know my mother. We haven’t always been close and sometimes mom says bad things, but she’s a good person and would never hurt the baby.
Because I told Kate about my feelings, she now refuses to come to any family gatherings where Mom might be present, and she won’t talk to me either.
I am struggling and emotional about this. Mom did very nice things for my daughter. She owns a timeshare and lets Kate use it for her graduation and honeymoon. I feel like Kate is using the baby as a weapon. Is there anything I can do? If not, how can I try to move on? — COUNTERPRESENTED IN UTAH
Dear upset: Kate may – or may not – use her child as a weapon to punish you and your mother for a perceived slight. She may also legitimately fear that her grandmother will accidentally drop the little one.
You said that you and your mother weren’t close for a while. If you and your mother weren’t close, it would follow that your daughter wouldn’t be that close to her grandmother.
Of course, a solution to this problem won’t be possible until you understand what caused it, and it won’t happen until your daughter is ready to give you straight answers. Start there. If she refuses, you will have to live your life and hope that as your grandchild grows up, the dynamic will change.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
New York Post
