Dear Miss Manners: My wife and I visited a friend and his new partner for the weekend. His partner led us to an outing about 20 miles away and went to 95 MPH on the highway.
Despite fear for our lives, we haven’t said anything. On the way back, however, I politely asked the partner if he could keep his speed within 80 mPh.
He immediately became indignant, came out of the car and told me that I had to drive and that he would sit in my back with my wife. I told him that I would not drive and that I would not drive and that I was only obeying speed limits.
After a heated exchange, he came to the car coldly, drives more slowly and never said another word for the rest of the trip. It was very uncomfortable. Am I right to speak?
Mild player: If a reasonable person felt that the alternative to speak would have been found dead next to the road when the local gendarmerie did its tours on Monday morning, then it is not a question of label.
The question of the label is: what to do after everyone returned to the car?
Miss Manners’ response is: playing stupid. After enough time has passed to allow everyone to recover their bearings, resume a normal interaction with your friend that you can bring together – speaking of other things for the rest of the weekend.
It will not deceive anyone, but you have to spend time in one way or another, you probably do not accept a second invitation, and it is better than playing dead.
Dear Miss Manners: I have received several invitations to major planned events via group text.
Whether for a retirement party, a bridal shower or a birthday celebration, each message included the image of an invitation, with the standard design and presentation. This indicated a certain amount of pump and circumstances and caused an answer.
I actually appreciate this new standard, because I find that I am more likely to consult my calendar immediately and to issue a timely response than the invitations sent by post. I also like that I can see the rest of the guest list.
However, without envelope or other specification of recipients, it is generally not known which members of my household are included in the invitation. I do not want to seem that I try to invite my children to an event that is not intended for them, but having to organize childcare services is often a decisive factor to find out if we are witnessing.
Is there a polite way to request clarification on this point?
Soft reader: Send a separate text to the host asking if the children are included in the invitation. Notice the phrasing: you are not asking for an exception for your children, but rather if the event includes children in general.
Once you have obtained an answer, thank the host for the invitation and say that you will check the calendars and respond quickly. Miss Manners knows that your response to the event depends on the invitation of children, but there is no reason to make it known to the host.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, gentlerader@missmanners.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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