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GUTFELD: Colleges are brainless zones

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Happy Friday to everyone. I wear glasses because I have a stye. I thought I was going to get rid of it.

Alright, so here’s this stupid, infuriating, silly story, which can only mean it’s from academia. It happened at the University of Pittsburgh’s Cathedral of Learning, where a female student was allegedly sexually assaulted during class time.

Now it’s bad enough, but it’s getting worse. The students, understandably horrified, demanded increased security on campus. And an anonymous student created a petition that garnered 6,000 signatures calling for more security cameras and stricter access passes.


The university quickly responded with an email from the vice chancellor of public safety and emergency management. Remember the old rule? The longer the title, the less they actually do. In the email, the VC promised it would take additional steps, including increased patrols and security changes, which means more cops.

Can you guess what happened next? Hint that it always happens when common sense rushes headlong into mindless awakening. Stupid and destructive indignation. You see, the awakened are like that drunken jerk who speeds south on a northbound highway, ultimately causing the destruction of someone else who was doing the right thing.

And so a backlash came from students who claimed the growing police presence would threaten the safety of students of color. As opposed to, you know, want to be rapists. You know, I didn’t realize Pit was a school for the mentally handicapped. What did these students have to do to be admitted? Sketch a turtle or a pirate? I tried this.

For example, after a sexual assault, some students were more concerned about the presence of the police than about the presence of a rapist. Of course, that’s what happens when the media skews the odds of police shootings. College kids prefer rapists. Classrooms aren’t safe during school, and cops are as popular as a fart in a hot tub. And I know that, I’ve done a lot of research in this area.

Which reminds us that college campuses aren’t just gun-free zones, they’re also brain-free zones. So here you have a microcosm of what you see now in every city. Microcosm means a small sample of a bigger problem like Joy Behar’s little toe. It’s rather good. Yes. Could use a laugh. She never fails.

With crime out of control and with so many female victims. Where are the feminists? Why are they so afraid to call repeat thugs who violently abuse women? Even when the attackers are arrested, they are released immediately and their only punishment is that they are late for their next attack.

Here’s the reason – the female victim is now secondary to the mantra of systemic racism. For a long time, it was a dogfight for first place atop the victim’s totem. But sorry, girls. To be considered racially oppressed is like drawing a royal flush in poker. No other hand can win.

So if you’re in the wrong group, you can’t be a victim even if you are a victim. And if you complain, of course you have to be racist. In the world of social justice, violent criminals can be arrested and released without bail within hours because society made them and after every senseless attack, as always, the culprit’s long track record is longer than a receipt from Walgreens.

Do not dare to add more police because it will hurt feelings. So they can have a safe space against alternative ideas, but not against rapists. By their logic, if you’re at an ATM late at night, the guy behind you is better off wearing a ski mask than a cop hat.


The fact is that crime is out of control because any attempt to reduce it is seen as racist. It’s a new hierarchy. More good over evil. But racial justice over real justice. So, after this dumb backlash, the person who started the petition deleted it and then apologized like an idiot. Quote: “The fact that it seems like more campus cops are being added because of something I did makes me a freak. And I know it.”

Now, in a normal world, that is, a world without progressives, these very exact words would come out of the suspect’s mouth. So I will repeat the words. “The fact that it seems like more campus cops are being added because of something I did makes me a monster. And I know that.” The 18-year-old then adds, “I don’t think I’ll be back on campus on Monday. I’m considering a school break or a transfer to another school, if that’s possible.” Well, how about kindergarten? This poor thing needs another chance to grow.


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