Guilty Trump’s press conference was a disaster. Republicans need to replace him – and fast.

Criminal Donald Trump emerged from his crypt of self-pity Friday morning, glassy-eyed, to remind Americans that he is not only the first convicted felon to run for president, he is also a disjointed, incoherent mess.

Speaking about his conviction on 34 counts of falsifying business records to conceal a hush-money payment to former adult film star Stormy Daniels before the 2016 election, Trump chattered at reporters who had gathered in the Trump Tower in Manhattan.

“Crimes, crimes, they’re falsifying business records,” he said, sounding exhausted and more half-crazed than usual. “It looks so bad, to me it looks very bad, you know it’s just a crime (FACT CHECK: These were felony charges.) but to me it seems so bad, when they say falsifying business records it’s a bad thing to me, I’ve never had that before. I’m falsifying… you know what falsifying business records is, first degree, they say, falsifying business records, it sounds so good, doesn’t it?

Uhhh… sure?

Trump’s Post-Conviction Press Conference Was a Disaster

The man some believe is actually qualified to be president of the United States also claimed that witnesses at his trial were “literally crucified,” the president said. Joe Biden wants to “stop you from having cars” and said the judge who will sentence him on July 11 is “really a devil.”

Trump is now a convicted felon. Democrats, don’t let voters forget that.

Trump could have testified in his own defense, but he didn’t, and the excuse he gave was a random assortment of words that led nowhere and then veered off to another topic entirely: “I I would have loved to testify, to this day I will. » I would have liked to testify, but you would have said something weird like it was a beautiful sunny day and it was actually raining, and I really appreciate the big crowd of people outside, it’s amazing what is happening, the level of support has been incredible.

Yes, incredible. Or as the Washington Post reported while Trump spoke: “There are maybe a few dozen supporters outside, but no organized protests of any size.” It’s mostly onlookers and normal traffic on Fifth Avenue in Manhattan.

Trump, a “firm hand”? Now THIS is funny!

Look, I’m not a political strategist, but I’m not sure putting the presidential candidate who was just convicted on 34 counts on camera to ramble like a drunk at the end of the bar for more of 30 minutes was a fantastic idea. Trump’s rambling gurgles delivered several “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” ads that Democrats could use in the months to come.

Before Trump spoke, one of his Republican backers, Rep. Wesley Hunt, told Fox News what Americans were going to hear from the former president: “We’re going to hear a firm hand.” We will hear the voice of a father and a grandfather. We are going to hear the voice of the future president of this country telling us that everything will be fine.

HAAH! Well, that certainly didn’t happen. Instead, we heard a dyspeptic chinchilla with anger issues screaming absurdly.

Presidential elections are useless. Will Trump win? Will Biden? Nobody has a crystal ball.

Republicans really need to think about their options. Trump is a wreck.

Republicans are still adjusting to the new normal of having a convicted felon at the top of their list. They try to rally around their type, impeached twice, indicted repeatedly, convicted of sexual abuse, and unable to ever shut up. But given Trump’s performance Friday and knowing that his already erratic rhetoric has gotten worse with each accountability visit, it may be time for Republicans to rethink the notion of a “presidential candidate.”

In a quiet corner somewhere sits Nikki Haley, a sane person who was a presidential candidate and would probably be happy to be one again. Maybe a trade is in order?

Liberals keep saying Biden should be replaced, but what about Trump?

There are people on the left who look at the poll numbers and shout, “WE NEED TO REPLACE JOE BIDEN ON THE PRESIDENTIAL LIST BECAUSE WE NEED SOMEONE YOUNGER!” »

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Trump is a convicted felon who does nothing but angrily complain about grievance after grievance in a way that only the most staunch MAGA believers could understand. He spirals like a real-life Gollum from “Lord of the Rings,” obsessed with precious revenge, just as Gollum had a viscous hunger for the One Ring.

So where are the calls from the right to replace the 77-year-old criminal who can’t speak frankly with a newer, less legally encumbered version?

Face it, Republicans. The cheese slipped off Trump’s cracker and it’s not coming back. Friday was a preview of the fun to come for your party. Either get on with it or buckle up.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on @RexHuppke and Facebook facebook.com/RexIsAJerk

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This article was originally published on USA TODAY: Trump babbles incoherently about his belief. The GOP should be afraid