The Brooklyn woman who saw her activist boyfriend fatally stabbed in a random attack at a Bed-Stuy bus stop in October is going through a difficult holiday season without the “love of her life.”
More than two months after Ryan Carson’s death, Claudia Morales wrote: “This is going to be the hardest Christmas of my life.”
“I’m not bitter about other people’s love after losing Ryan. I’m even more in awe of that, but it hurts so much to witness it sometimes,” she mused in another article from December 24.
As the holidays approached, Morales felt “really terrified about the next two months because I don’t know how I’m going to get through Christmas and New Years, my birthday and Valentine’s Day – four of my favorite days, four of the best days. I have to share with Ryan – but I’ll look him in the eye,” according to a poignant December 15 article on X.
Morales, 28, is often “caught off guard by unexpected painful moments” when remembering her murdered boyfriend, she said in another X post.
“I want this year to be behind me but I can’t stand being in a year Ryan has never been in,” she wrote on Dec. 5.
Three days earlier, she posted: “Every time I see a show that I was supposed to watch with Ryan, I feel like my guts are being ripped out.” »
She has frequently discussed memories of Carson, 32, known as a beloved advocate for social justice, and their relationship in heartbreaking social media posts.
Images of Morales and Carson smiling in selfies, posing at a baseball game at Fenway Park and screenshots of sweet texts he sent her depict their journey.
In a message to Morales on January 27, he said: “I feel so lucky to be able to have you in my life as someone to lean on and grow and I’m excited to continue doing this and both become stronger. »
The couple had been dating for nearly a year and a half when a deranged maniac – who police later identified as 18-year-old Brian Dowling – stabbed Carson three times.
Morales pleaded with the attacker during the harrowing attack caught on camera, which occurred at 4 a.m. Oct. 2 as the couple returned from a wedding on Long Island.
A day after the murder, Morales shared a screenshot of a note she found in Carson’s phone, which read: “Deep down, all I want is to love Claudia more than she never was, which is honestly all she has. never deserved. »
“He did it, he did it, he did it,” the self-proclaimed “widow” captioned the post.
“At first with Ryan, before we knew we were in it forever, I would say he was either going to be the worst breakup (of) my life or the person I married, but it turned out it was a third secret thing,” she wrote in October. .20.
“I do not recommend that the love of your life be killed in front of you,” she posted the same day.
Dowling has pleaded not guilty to murder and weapons charges. The Post’s attempts to reach Morales were unsuccessful.
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