Amanda Rector was at the height of her addiction when she gave birth to her second child in 2004.
The baby, a boy named Hunter, was born addicted to opioids and was quickly removed from his mother’s care. She had already lost custody of her eldest son, Jameson.
“I hated myself for using when I was pregnant,” Rector told TODAY.com. “When Hunter came out, he was so uncomfortable, and my heart…I just stopped. I knew if I looked at him too long, I would. I started to hurt and I couldn’t not feel this pain.
A care coordinator asked the rector questions. Do you have a car seat? No. And a cradle? Also no.
“I literally had nothing. And she said to me, ‘You know you’re not going to be able to bring this baby home,’ and I said, ‘I know,'” Rector recalled.
At the time, Rector was living with an abusive boyfriend, but when she was offered an extra night in the maternity ward, she said no.
“I just turned on my side and told them I wanted to go home,” Rector says.
A few days later, Rector was back in the hospital – this time in the emergency room. Her boyfriend had developed an abscess on his arm following a heroin injection.
“We waited a good two hours before I even thought I could go see the baby,” Rector said. “That’s how far I had gone.”
In an elevator, going up to the nursery, Rector saw himself in the mirror. Her hair was falling out and she was covered in bruises and marks. The rector says she didn’t recognize her own reflection.
She considered turning around and going back to the emergency room. But “something inside” took over and Rector headed to the nursery, where Hunter was sleeping.
Then, in a moment of courage, she decided to ask a nurse if she could visit him. The woman remembered Rector and knew his story.
“You could tell she was heartbroken by seeing me and by the whole situation, and she was like, ‘Of course you can see that,’” Rector says.
The nurse led Rector and his baby into a dark room equipped with a rocking chair. Before leaving, she kicked down the door and urged Rector to take all the time she needed.
“After he left, I looked at him and started whispering in his ear, ‘I’m so sorry. It is not me. I’m so sorry this is your life,” Rector says. “All these feelings that I had bottled up opened up.”
Four months later, Hunter was legally adopted by a family in town.
Soon after, Rector went to prison for armed robbery. She was sentenced to five years and ultimately served two and a half years. The rector says she found Jesus on his first day in prison. She began attending 12-Step meetings and joined the choir.
“Anything that was positive or healthy, I did,” Rector says.
Before Rector was released from prison, she sent a letter to Hunter’s adoptive parents. Rector’s father attended the same church as them and she didn’t want them to feel nervous about running into her.
“I wrote to them to let them know that I was going to attend a different church than my father,” she said.
The rector never received a response.
There were occasional sightings of Hunter. After Rector regained custody of his son, Jameson, they spotted Hunter at a cancer fundraising walk.
“He had bright red hair and a pale complexion,” Rector says. “I grabbed Jameson’s hand and I was like, ‘That’s your brother!’ Just as he was watching, this happy music came over the intercom and Hunter started dancing.
“We stood there like vines and watched him for the duration of the song,” she continues. “I felt a peace come over me. It was as if God was saying, “He is dancing.” He is happy.'”
Rector didn’t approach, for the same reason she wrote letters to Hunter but didn’t send them.
“It wasn’t my place,” she said.
Fourteen years later, Rector was at Walmart when she noticed Jameson, 21, chatting with a teenage girl.
“She said to me, ‘What’s your name? And when he told her, she pointed down the aisle and said, ‘That’s your brother,'” Rector said.
Rector would later learn that Hunter had become curious about his biological mother and had recently discovered her identity.
“I was speechless. I couldn’t believe this was happening,” Rector says. “I didn’t know if he was going to be mad at me and insult me. And I would have been OK with that .
Instead, Rector and Hunter greeted each other warmly.
“I let go at first because I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, but he held on,” she says. “And then we sat there and talked.”
Hunter, 19, told TODAY.com he was in disbelief.
“I was just talking about wanting to meet Amanda and then she showed up,” he says. “If I wasn’t focused on God, I don’t believe any of this would have happened.”
Before saying goodbye, Rector and Hunter exchanged phone numbers and talked about getting together.
“As soon as they were out of sight, I burst into tears,” Rector said.
Hunter, who says he “loves” his parents, sees Rector at least once a week. Rector has been sober for over 17 years and works as a certified peer support specialist helping people struggling with substance abuse. She also shares stories about prison life on TikTok where she has nearly a million followers.
“I’m so proud of her,” Hunter says. “She has completely changed her life and we are building a relationship we could never have had before.”
This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:
NBC Chicago
