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Find someone who loves you like Bill Schmidt loves his Rockies

The easiest way to Bill Schmidt’s heart? Being in the same room.

No surprise gifts. No sweetness. Just be present and wear purple stripes. Because when the Rockies general manager looks at you in a Colorado uniform, there’s no turning back.

Bill Schmidt — D-

If only we could all find someone to love us like Schmidt loves his Rockies.

They may be last in the National League West with the third-worst running differential in the NL and the most errors in all of Major League Baseball, but old Bill just can’t quit these guys.

Instead, it continues to line up extensions.

Yes, amid a post-All Star slump in which his team lost 11 of 14 games, ending the Rockies’ slim chance of making the playoffs, Schmidt saw fit to extend Daniel Bard, 37, closer for two years and $19 million.

Then, after being questioned that he was the only general manager not to have executed a single trade at the deadline a few days later, Schmidt fired back by saying that the Rockies were the only franchise to sign a player for an extension before the deadline.

Which, of course, wasn’t true.

But who can pay attention to such pesky details when Dinger sings his sweet Siren Song?

Grading the Week staff are struggling to recall another GM in baseball history so eager to retain a group of players who accomplished so little together.

We’re two months away from the Rockies putting the finishing touches on a fourth straight losing season. Yet in the past 12 months, Schmidt has extended catcher Elias Diaz (three years, $14.5 million), starting pitcher Antonio Senzatela (five years, $50.5 million), infielder Ryan McMahon (six years, $70 million) and starting pitcher Kyle Freeland (five years, $64.5 million).

Bard was the last, if not the most confusing expansion, distributed by Schmidt and Co.

To be fair: The right-hander has been a revelation for the Rockies this summer, posting a 2.04 ERA, 1.059 WHIP and 44 strikeouts in 39 2/3 innings entering Friday night, and converting 22 of 24 chances. ‘stop.

But with the Rockies rapidly fading, it made perfect sense to treat the future free agent with prospects who could add depth to the team’s waning farm system.

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