Drink made me pass bad dates; I left both alcohol and dating applications

When my ex-partner has moved, among her separation words: “You are incredible. You will meet someone else in no time.”

But like all those who have braved the world of dating applications know it, meet someone you really like, who loves you enough to present yourself reliably and not ghost after a few months, is very difficult to soul. At least it was for me.

Getting matches was not a problem, but surviving the small tedious conversation without dying of boredom or the conversation that penetrates before we are organized to meet us seemed almost impossible.

But if by miracle, we have reached a person in person, what have we done? Of course, we went to have a drink.

Rely on a glass or two

Going for a drink was the first default date. It is cheaper than a meal, fast and low pressure, and avoids potential torture to undergo a dinner of three dishes with someone who turns out to be darker than six hours at an airport.

I would take a relaxed wine after work, and if there was no spark or that the guy turned out to be 10 years older than his profile photos (yes, it happened), I would apologize after a drink or two.

Not only was drinking help, but it was often expected. Although it is said that the young generation is less interested in alcohol, many of my peers always consider teetotalrs as boring and without pleasure, barely the impression you want to give when you get to know someone.

The first dates are difficult. I relied on alcohol to make them easier. If there was no spark, the wine made me more serious and capable of filling the annoying silences. If the guy was a little scary, it made me courageous enough to face the awkward farewell and leave early.

On the rare occasions when I met someone I imagined, having alcohol in my system gave me the courage I needed to flirt, instead of blushing and fleeing like a nervous adolescent.

Abandonment of dating and alcohol applications

But over the years, the whole routine has become a sisyphus cycle of hope and disappointment. I woke up with a slight mouth of wood and another story to amuse my coupled friends.

I tried coffee dates, but the concept did not really work in London, where I live. Many people live outside the city, so it makes sense to have a drink at the end of the working day. And I had no desire to have full hair and makeup and drag myself to the city center on a Saturday.

So, a year and a half ago, I stopped. Not just alcohol, but also dating applications.

Life is better

The search for “The One” had become a full -time job. Hours of tedious scanning and chithat, so that it can stop or end with an atrocious evening wishing to be back home while looking at Netflix in my pajamas. It was an emotional mountain, especially when I met someone I loved, I allowed myself to raise my hopes, then I ended up pouring or ghosting.

I realized that it was not a single who made me miserable. It was the constant effort to try not to be single. The applications took so long – I must have spent days in my life chatting with people I have never even met.

The number of words I had tapped in Bumble, I could have written a novel – and at least I would have had something to show for everything, apart from RSI in my thumbs.

Without applications and alcohol, I sleep better, I am healthier and, above all, my mental health has improved. I haven’t cried for over a year (it was a fairly regular event – still caused by a man). When I think about downloading applications again, I think that fearful fear in my stomach, generally reserved only for my trician smear test.

Now I focus on life and get the most out of what I have, instead of worrying about what I don’t do. I am a travel writer and photographer, so I am a lot abroad, to explore the world and to have incredible experiences. When I am at home, I go out with friends, dry up networking events or I put for my next trip.

If I meet someone, it will be because we have met with shared interests and we have already decided that we love each other before leaving on a real date. Maybe I’m even going to accept dinner.