Do I have to give a break to my ex because my income doubled?

Dear Eric: My ex-husband and I were on a fairly uniform financial basis when we divorced. Our income was similar and we divided the assets almost in the middle.

It was a lazy, selfish and philandeur husband, but he is a decent father.

Losing that 200 pounds of dead weights released me to focus on the progress of my career. My income has doubled, while his has remained relatively stable. He doesn’t know what I’m doing now; I know his salary because this is public information.

Our child is heading to university this fall. We have agreed in the divorce that all of our child’s expenses would be distributed evenly between us.

I saved and I have / I will have enough for my half of the tuition fees. However, the child won enough in the scholarships so that I can easily pay 100% of their remaining expenses myself. I suspect that even half of the reduced college expenses will be a difficulty for my ex. (I don’t know – or I don’t need / I want to know – how he planned to pay his half if the child had not obtained such important merit assistance.)

I have two options: pay for my half and put everything that remains in a fund for higher education for children or the first home or any launch help they may need when the time comes. After all, I have more because they have obtained scholarships, so they should benefit from it in the long term, right? This also allows me to respond to all the unforeseen expenses that may arise.

Or treat yourself to cover a larger share, even everything. This will mean less / more money at the end to soften the transition to adulthood. But that will mean that my ex does not have to contract loans (I suppose?) To respect his obligation. Sweat the child with student loans is not on the table.

Thoughts?

– Divide the bill

Dear splitting: Option A, please!

First, all public information is not necessary. I gathered the salary of your ex-husband (and the general financial state) as downright in the need to know. Thinking of all angles is a bit of you, but we can also go beyond kindness. Keeping your eyes on your own wallet will be healthier for you and for separation.

Second, there will certainly be other expenses in the future of your child. Undatched costs are the name of the game in their twenties. Thus, having a fund to help facilitate university trip and at the start of adulthood will be incredibly useful.

Dear Eric: My sister-in-law does not seem to have my name correctly.

I first got married at the age of 20, in 1973, when you just took your husband’s surname, and so I did it. I continued to have a long teaching career, during which I was known as “Mrs. Smith”.

My first husband died of cancer after 42 years of marriage. Four years later, I found love and remarried.

Honestly, having been known as “Mrs. Smith” during all these years as a educator, it has become my identity. I had this name more than twice as long as my young girl name. So, I haven’t changed my name when I got married.

I have been married to my new husband for almost five years now and I continued to sign my name on each card, each return address, each document, everything, like “Mary Smith”.

My sister-in-law continues to contact the cards as “Mary Jones”. She must know that this is not my name; I include my name “Smith” on the return address of each card that I send.

I must also say that she and I probably have different opinions on most things, including religion and politics. We never discuss in family gatherings either, keeping things superficial but friendly when we are together.

Another birthday card has arrived, addressed to “Mary Jones”. As she remembers my birthday. How much is it for someone I am not. (This is, in fact, the name of my husband’s aunt.)

Should I continue to ignore what has become an irritant for me, or should I talk about it at some point?

– Name games

Dear name games: Bring! He! Up! (Imagine me by singing as if I were a member of the public in a television game.)

It could be supervision, it could be a slight intentional, but anyway it is not your name. “I noticed that you are addressed to me as Mary Jones, but I did not take the name (from the husband). I’m glad you can’t wait to welcome him to the family. But no need to update your address book. Love is the same, regardless of the name. “

This may have the impression of breaking the tacit rule of treating the differences of others with conviviality, but it is not an opinion. It’s a fact. Your name is your name and it can learn it. In fact, she has already done it, years ago.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @ouric and register for his weekly newsletter in Rercthomas.com.