Dear Annie: I am a only child at the start of the forties, and I am at the end of my mind trying to take care of my 74 -year -old mother. She lives alone and insists that she is “very good”, but I can see that she slides – physically, mentally and emotionally. She suffers from high blood pressure, diabetes and serious arthritis, but she will not remain on her medication. She has not been to a primary care doctor for over five years. It categorically refuses cancer screening or even basic laboratory work.
Recently, I noticed what could be signs of early dementia – getting lost on familiar roads, forgetting the meetings, having trouble following conversations. I finally led him to see a neurologist last fall, and they recommended a brain analysis and other tests. She never followed. Now she barely leaves the house and does not let me provide external help.
I tried small changes to keep it safe – grab bars in the bathroom, meal deliveries, even offering it to accompany it to the doctor’s appointments. Each time, she stops with “don’t start” or “I’m not invalid”. It isolates more and its mobility is getting worse. I am afraid of falling or ending up in the emergency room with something that could have been managed earlier.
How to respect her independence without not sitting down and watching her refuse? – worried and worn
Dear worried: You wear a heavy burden and I congratulate your patience and devotion. But here is the hard truth: you can bring a horse to the water, but you cannot make it drink. No matter how much you care or how much you try, you can’t force your mother to ask for help if she refuses it.
What you can do is focus on security. Make the house as secure and resistant as possible. Consider a health consultation at home or speak with your primary care physician means to support it remotely. And for your own well-being, talk to an advisor or a support group for caregivers. You also need support. Love it in the best you can be sufficient.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
