Dear Miss Manners: I am at the end of the thirties and childless, not by choice.
I prefer to have a small circle of friends, but I had a hard time finding other friends without children. Statistically, most people my age have children – especially in the middle of the church, where I spend a lot of time.
It often leaves me the impression of not integrating myself, because I cannot relate to conversations revolving around the pregnancy and the education of children.
A close friend, who is aware of what I feel, and with whom I conversed almost every day, often shares stories with me that I cannot identify. I often find it difficult to face this because they evoke a lot of sorrow and feelings of being strange. She just shared her enthusiasm in the face of a conversation she had with two friends (whom I do not know) on the similarities of the way they have raised their children now adults and some of the relational results of their different parental choices.
I do not want to crush the excitement of my friend, and I do not want to discourage her either to share the things that are important to her; However, I find its lack of tact linked to the choice of the subject to be involuntarily hurtful.
How to say politely to her that I care about what is important for her, but that I feel injured and invisible when she talks about how she relates to other mothers, or in detail on the way she was a parent?
I don’t want to reduce her very important work to be a mother, but I don’t want to suffer in silence either.
Soft reader: Admittedly, it is inconsiderate to constantly speak of something that your conversation partner is sensitive or has not lived. But it is also difficult to limit yourself only to the subject that is shared.
So, while Miss Manners has sympathy for your situation, she also warns you not to get into the habit of only looking for the company with similar views.
She also notes that the example you use of the insensitivity of your friend is not as overwhelming as you seem to think. Your friend did not talk about current parental experiences, but the results of past parenting. Certainly, as parents yourself, you can tell yourself.
But if you always need to emphasize the difference, you can always preface it by saying: “Well, I cannot speak it of the end of parenting, but as a result of the authority parental method, I can tell you that …”
In any case, it would be a shame if you cut the human experiences of others because you have been deprived of some of yours.
Rather than suffering in silence, see if you can find deeper connections. You could be surprised by the awards.
Dear Miss Manners: Whether at home, in a restaurant or at the house of someone else, how to manage the foods that have slipped its plate on the table?
Mild player: With a quick blow of the table and on the side of your plate, where it must remain until the plate is erased.
But if no one saw and you judge the table clean enough, Miss Manners will not reprimand you for having discreetly pushed it back with the rest of the food and eat it.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, gentlerader@missmanners.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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