Dear Miss Manners: During the organization of an hour of cocktail, how does the hostess navigate graciously in the amount of food served?
For example, if the cheese tray is reduced to a few bites, should the hostess constantly monitor and reconstitute it, even if the time “has passed?
I certainly do not want to appear stingy with the guests. But bringing out more food seems to encourage persistence and drift in dinner time and beyond.
I was taught that as a guest, I should only take the last piece of nothing – crackers, nuts, candies or cheese. Is this always the case? It seems to me that the empty sets should point out that it is time to say “thank you and goodbye”. But does it seem rude to leave the bowls and the empty trays?
Mild player: Fill or erase any empty receptacle, in which the Miss Manners category includes guests.
So, if the uncle launches linger near the dessert table, hoping for something more, get rid of it and present it to any invited available in the neighboring room. Finally, the table will be empty and the guests will have the idea and will come home.
Dear Miss Manners: I am currently dealt with for a medical problem. The problem should be fully resolved over time, but this temporarily force me to work part -time and prevents me from participating in certain activities that are standard in my work line.
I must therefore explain to customers and others that my current availability is limited. I generally give them an abbreviated version of reason, just so that they know that I do not invent something to avoid doing the work or to give me more time to do it.
Most people sympathize and wish me a quick recovery, which is good. But some are involved in very religious wishes for me, like making me make sure that “the good Lord holds you on you and will take care of you for a complete recovery”.
It makes me uncomfortable – first because I do not appreciate inserting religious beliefs in commercial transactions in general, and secondly because I do not subscribe to the same religion as the person who makes this declaration.
I know that people who say this mean, so I generally say “thank you” and try to go quickly to another subject. Is there a graceful way to discourage these comments?
Soft reader: Here is a novice way to discourage people from presenting their personal beliefs in professional relationships: do not do it first.
This understands your belief that your explanations may not be used.
Rather than shorten your medical diagnosis, omit it entirely. You can stop talking after saying, “I have a medical condition that temporarily asks me to work part -time”, and Miss Manners think that you are likely to be caught.
She cannot promise an instant recovery for the current pandemic of too much information: you may still have to say “thank you” religious sympathizers and move on. But it’s a start.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, gentlerader@missmanners.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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