Boring Dates Were Ruining Our Marriage; How We Fixed It With Fun Ones

• After five years of marriage, my husband and I got stuck going on the same boring dates.
• We needed a change, so I proposed “adrenaline dates” to get our hearts racing and bond us together.
• Each adventurous date has been more exciting than the last, and they’ve brought us closer.

After five years of marriage, my husband and I were in danger of calcifying into the “dining dead” — couples who have nothing to say to each other over meals, dutifully chewing their food in dreary silence.

Like many long-term couples, we’d gotten stuck in a cycle of boring dates: always a movie and dinner, where we’d talk about our kid or finances.

We adore each other, but at some point, it became easier to go to hit up the same theater and local diner or taco truck than to look for an exciting new spot or activity.

However, familiar routines should be for the daily grind of work and parenting. For the one I vowed to spend my life with, I wanted more.

Determined to add more excitement to our date nights, I found myself reading up on adrenaline — and how high levels of it have been linked to increased attraction and arousal.

It seemed worth a shot to try to harness the rush and use it feel closer and more attracted to one another. So, I started planning “adrenaline dates” that might do just that.

We’ve had a blast prioritizing adrenaline rushes on our date nights

Dakota Kim

To start, we booked an escape room. Neither of us had ever done one, and my heart raced in fear of the unknown as we stepped into the dark, enclosed space.

Although my brain knew we weren’t actually trapped in a crisis situation, my body was rushing with adrenaline as we escaped from chains and deciphered clues as the clock counted down.

For our next dates, we raced around in laser tag, punched side-by-side in virtual-reality boxing, and hit the climbing gym to out-boulder one another.

The dates were fun and brought us closer, which only inspired us to push the envelope further. Later, we tried axe-throwing and had a blast hurling the tools at a wood marker, splintering it as we went.

We visited a rage room, where we donned helmets and protective suits, grabbed baseball bats and crowbars, and started to shatter bottles and dismantle furniture.

Dakota Kim

I was timid at first, hitting just one item at a time. By the end, I was smashing a dozen bottles to smithereens at once with the swoop of a baseball bat.

After all the time we spend being careful, tiptoeing around coworkers, friends, neighbors and parents, I love that we got to connect by feeling animalistic and reckless together.

As I flung heavy axes and smashed bottles, I could feel stress flowing out of my body and dissipating into the air. After these intense dates, I’ve never felt so relieved to fall into my partner’s arms.

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Our dates continue to bring us closer together

Dakota Kim

Throughout these experiences, we felt joy and connection while creating special memories, which felt hard to do during basic dinner dates.

Plus, “adrenaline dates” can range in activity level and cost, from playing suspenseful video games to riding rollercoasters.

Many of our favorites have felt especially wild and destructive. Lately, we’ve been rock climbing challenging routes in Joshua Tree, bonding over the rush of fear and adrenaline while enjoying beautiful views.

We even try to schedule these dates every month on the full moon, so we can later kiss under the moonlight — it feels like magic and keeps us out even longer.