Are bridesmaids required to buy a wedding gift?

At 31, I may be lucky to have only been invited to two weddings. Not because I don’t think weddings are fun (they are!), but because the cost associated with attending a bridal shower is extremely high.

By the time the nuptials roll around, I’ve run a marathon of festivities — an engagement party, a bridal shower, a bachelorette party — many of which require a gift. On the day of the wedding, I feel like I’ve already paid a small fortune to celebrate my friend, so do the happy couple really need me to buy them an air fryer?

Not including a gift, bridesmaids spend on average more than $1,600 on a wedding, according to 2024 data from The Knot. Then you’re supposed to shell out another $100. To me this looks like theft.

To see if I was being totally unreasonable, I spoke to etiquette and financial experts. Here’s what they had to say.

“It’s essential to balance what you can afford with the general expectations for participation in the bridal party.

If you are already spending a considerable amount on these activities, you can definitely reduce the wedding gift. In fact, many couples understand the financial commitment that comes with participating in the bridal party and don’t expect an extravagant gift on top of everything else.

My advice is to communicate openly with the couple. Let them know you’re excited to be a part of their special day and explain your situation honestly. Often, a simple conversation is enough. A heartfelt message, a small, meaningful gift, or even just your presence can be just as valuable. »

“It is customary for members of the wedding party to give a gift, but it does not have to be of high monetary value. It is a gesture of love.

Consider the options available to you. Maybe the couple has a cash register and you can donate a small amount. You can opt for something small in their wedding registry or you can also create a personalized token of your love.

You can offer to do something for the couple before or on their wedding day, like gathering all your friends for a photo. One of my bridesmaids made this for me and it was very appreciated.

Anything that shows you’re on someone’s side has more meaning than a check. »

“When attending a bridal shower, before the first day of your role you need to set a budget and stick to it. This should include all events leading up to the wedding and this budget should not be what anyone another tells you.

You are not expected to bring a gift. I think you feel pressure to do it, but there’s no expectation to do it.

As for why we give gifts, one of the reasons is that we want to celebrate these people as they enter a new phase of their lives.

You can write them a handwritten note. The point of going to a wedding and giving a gift is to celebrate.”

“It is customary for members of the wedding party to give the couple a gift. However, you ultimately need to decide what to give based on what fits your budget and how close you are to the couple.

Since you will be investing a lot of time and money in the pre-wedding festivities, you can use your best judgment in determining how comfortable you feel about giving a gift.

A good idea is to join other bridesmaids in giving a group gift. This is a good option whether you’re on a tight budget or not. Maybe there’s a big gift, like an espresso machine or a honeymoon couple’s massage, that you want to give the couple, but know that doing it alone would be out of your budget.

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