An update from the letter writer, some additional comments, etc.

Today we will do an update and some random comments and questions.

I discovered that people were sending emails their comments (introverted commenters) – especially if they think they have too much to say.

But first… a practical question from a commenter with a question for another commenter (legally Liz, I’m throwing this at you). I think this happened after that dance letter:

Hello Meredith and dear readers,

Legally Liz, please tell me the name of the place where your almost 70 year old friend is going to dance! Anyone else have any tips? I’m 63 and dancing outside my kitchen bores me.

Here are some emails from people who had a lot to say about women and asked why we seek romantic love. (Letter here.) I received a lot emails regarding this letter. Most of them were very romantic. Some were scientists. I chose two. The first one:

In response to the woman who asked why people get married, what I have to say is:

If I hadn’t married my late wife, I wouldn’t have had the chance to go on my honeymoon.

It lasted 30 years.

It has now been more than eight years since she left.

We considered ourselves the cutest couple in the world and so we thought we would last forever. Or at least until we were well over a hundred.

But I secretly thought that she, since she was always in better health than me, would outlive me.

But that didn’t stop me from asking him: “What would I do without you?”

And she would always say, “Oh, you’d just find someone else.”

I have news for her.

It is not so easy.

I know, it’s difficult. Here is the second:

re: why do people get married?

The answers to the question hit most of the points I had when I read it. I think, however, that there are a few answers that haven’t been addressed.

1. With animals, there is an instinctive need to form a relationship, and we forget that we are animals. Some wild animals mate for life, which was the norm among humans until recently.

2. Many religions required marriage before sex (and some still do), and marriages were arranged by parents for their children. Then this idea of ​​loving someone before marriage instead of arranged marriages became the norm.

3. It was a legal obligation and an obligation of the Church to marry before having children. Today, many people who want children, but do not want to settle down with just one spouse, choose someone they love as their partner and raise their children, without any legal ties for that person. This way they can separate without all the problems that come with divorce, or decide later to get married, and the children have a two-parent family anyway. Some simply decide to avoid this and become single parents. Other people are happy being single.

4. Some of us believe in lifelong commitment and love. My husband and parents were married for over 50 years. After 54 years of marriage, my partner has just died. I miss him terribly and I think the idea of ​​love and lifelong commitment is simply part of my makeup as a human being.

If geese can choose a partner for life, why can’t we? – Still single

This was a response to the letter regarding the person who was ready to leave her husband.

Ready to Go said she wanted to divorce her husband and you basically said it made sense for her to leave him. But you didn’t mention the fact that she will probably have to pay him alimony and one of her main complaints was that he wasn’t helping her financially in the marriage. So if she leaves him, she might still be obligated to support him, but at least she won’t have to watch him spend his money.

As promised, we have an update. This is coming from the person who dated a man who didn’t give his child a bedtime. She added some details that were too precise and perhaps identifiable, hence the parenthesis.

I just wanted to send a follow-up letter. I am the woman who had issues with the way a child was being raised by a man I was seeing.

Even though some of your readers thought I was curious, my questions came from a disturbing place. This child sleeps in three different beds a week in three different homes, and he is still struggling at school (for very specific reasons).

As for the sleeping situation, I’m sure your readers are right: he’s a young man (30) trying his best. I don’t have a problem with him sleeping in bed with his kid, I have a problem with him expecting us to have sex in his son’s bed, over his children’s clothes and toys, and he expects all three of us to sleep. together in bed (I wouldn’t sleep). I’m sure that’s something his son’s mother would disagree with. If your readers agree with all of this, maybe they’re just better people than me, but I couldn’t get over it. I also don’t think that a woman like me, basically a stranger to the child, should share a bed with this child.

I broke up with him. I never asked him to change anything or told him how I felt, so I guess no harm, no foul. Thank you and your readers for giving me the clarity I needed to go. As your readers have said, it’s best to leave them alone and get out of their lives. Now that I’m gone, honestly, I miss the kid more than his dad.

Well.

Thanks for commenting and writing, of course. See you next week.

Ask your own questions about dating, singleness, being on apps, breakups, college romances, friendships, divorce … All. Send a letter to (email protected) or use the anonymous form.