DEAR ABBY: Last year a dear friend was attacked by dogs and killed. Since then, my family’s hikes on public trails have no longer been enjoyable for me.
I get nervous and very upset whenever I encounter off-leash dogs. I usually end up expressing my fear and asking the owner to put their dog on a leash.
My 16 year old daughter is not comfortable when I do this. His view is that owners have trained their dogs well enough to be kept off-leash. I do not agree.
I tell her that animals are unpredictable and I’m talking because my friend was killed by dogs.
Please help us understand the best way to handle this situation that ends in conflict.
— WALK FEAR IN WISCONSIN
DEAR MARKET: Your daughter’s point of view is naive. Although the majority of dog owners are responsible and socialize and train their pets, not all do so and the result can be tragic. The death of your friend is an example.
When your daughter decides to go hiking, she should always have someone with her and carry pepper spray or gel to ward off a (possible) attack not only from dogs but also from humans. (Sorry, that’s a reality these days.)
As for you, you might feel better emotionally if, for the moment, you did your cardio exercises on a treadmill at a gym or at home.
DEAR ABBY: I seem to be a human dump into which people dump their traumas. I don’t know how this happened.
It started three years ago, when a former friend called me and talked to me for over an hour about what led to him being fired from his job. I was touched that he reached out and expected us to resume our friendship, but he wasn’t interested in further communication.
Later, a professional acquaintance invited me to lunch and began unloading on me the terrible trauma she had endured 40 years ago. It was a one-sided conversation, with not even enough of a pause for me to politely restate what was being said. We never spoke again after that because I left the company.
Now a new co-worker with whom I have established no personal connection calls me several times a week to “get rid of the trauma.” I try to change the subject, but his stories of abuse and peril never stop. In fact, I can put her on speakerphone while I’m loudly going about my business at home, and she’ll still talk. When she finally has enough, she abruptly ends the call.
I finally decided I was done answering his calls. What can I do to ensure I am no longer considered a trauma discharge?
— FINISHED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR FACT: This keeps happening because you are a caring, empathetic, polite person who has the patience to allow these people to get rid of you.
The next time this starts to happen, say this: “That must have been terrible, but I am not equipped to advise you on this matter. This is something that should be resolved by talking to a therapist” (or, in the former coworker’s case, HR).
After that, be less available.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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