Dear Amy: At the University of Montana, I majored in equine studies. After four years of trying, I finally accepted an extremely competitive internship with Thoroughbreds in Kentucky. I started right after graduating.
During my freshman year, I met my boyfriend, “Alex”. We have now been together for over three years. I can’t imagine my life without him.
Alex started law school when I started articling. I really loved the internship, even though I was working 12 hours a day. But I still cried most days and held one of his sweatshirts every night.
At the end of the internship, I found a job in a poultry company in Montana. A year and a half later, I haven’t stopped talking or thinking about Kentucky.
My boyfriend is from Indiana and wants to return to his hometown after graduation where he will have a clientele and connections.
Kentucky is completely irrelevant to him, but I would love to go back there. None of us want to issue an ultimatum, but he said if I went back to Kentucky it would probably put the “nail in the coffin” for us.
I don’t think we could do long distance again.
My heart is torn. I know we have to grow as individuals, but I’m so lost.
Will I be wondering “what if” forever?
Do I really have to choose between chasing my dreams and loving?
— Woman Torn in Two
Dear Torn: You say you and your boyfriend don’t issue ultimatums, but – I think you should check your inbox, because he delivered one to you, and it’s disguised as a dreary “nail in the coffin” cliche . Yeah.
If you’ve clung to his sweatshirt and cried every day during a period of separation, despite your own captivating and fascinating pursuit, then it might be best if you understood that there are horses in Indiana (lots of them), although the prestige and experience of working in Kentucky would put you in the top category in your field.
A red flag here is that despite your devoted attachment, you’re an adventurous woman with a location-dependent dream – hooked up with a hometown guy who can’t (or won’t) imagine pursuing a career in right elsewhere.
It’s a pretty rigid and limiting way to see your own perspectives, and even if you’ve decided to hang on to the man instead of his sweatshirt, you have to realize that you both have dreams and styles. attachments of different sizes.
You may have charged together, but that difference will likely affect your success down the stretch.
Dear Amy: Summer is almost here and a house on our street has a really neglected lawn. Looks like he hasn’t been mowed at all.
We live in a pretty street with small lawns in front, and all the neighbors are proud. There’s a local ordinance about it, but I’m about to report these people. Another neighbor mentioned reporting them, and we were both wondering what you think.
— Neat Neighbor
Dear neighbour : You don’t seem to know this family, but before you report them, you might want to knock on their door and offer to mow their lawn. Tell them, “It’s okay – zip zip and I’m done in 15 minutes. »
They may be older, sick or overwhelmed.
Some churches and community groups will take on this task, bringing in a small team of volunteers, and I suspect this help is gratefully received by the owners.
Dear Amy: “Tired of Hosting” was a mom who was tired of always being the one arranging playdates for her son and his best friend.
I was the kid who never reciprocated after playing at other people’s houses.
My mother was divorced and worked full time, but she also drank too much.
I spent a lot of my time at my best friend’s house and often spent the night there.
Honestly, it allowed me to stay in a more supportive environment, and as I got older, I realized my friend’s mom might know about it – and I’m grateful to her.
– Grateful
Dear grateful: Lots of people have responded with stories like yours (and yes, I’m crying too). So many unsung heroes.
I think it would be great if you could find a way to reach out to the family who helped raise you — to offer them your thanks.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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