[ad_1]
Dear Amy: I have been with my husband for 23 years. It took me many years to trust him, due to his past behavior where he lied to me and was with other women.
Honestly, it took me over 20 years to finally trust him, but it was a mistake.
Recently, he started acting suspicious again.
In the past, I never looked into his phone, but this time I decided to look at his text messages.
He was planning to take a single woman camping for a weekend. He’s known her for a while.
She knows he is married. We had a huge fight. He said he told her that I said it was OK.
What middle-aged single woman would think any shade of this is acceptable?
I tried to contact her by phone and text. She never answered.
I sent him away for the weekend so I could reflect on our relationship.
I am angry, hurt and feel betrayed.
I destroyed all the cards and 99% of my photos of the two of us.
He says he doesn’t want a divorce. He says he wants me here with him.
He refuses to consult.
No suggestions?
— Sad and empty
Dear Sad: You seem pretty focused on what your husband is saying, and what he says he wants.
Since you don’t trust him at all, you shouldn’t trust his lame explanations or dodge statements. Nor should you judge a single woman for agreeing to go camping with your married husband. Why? Because since he seems to be providing the information here, chances are she doesn’t know he’s married, or that he told her you were separated or divorced.
All your information about your husband’s behavior comes from him.
More than two decades spent with him should have taught you this: liars lie. That’s what they do. Your husband doesn’t seem particularly interested in changing either.
Take the time you need to grieve this relationship, but it’s also important to focus on what you want and need from now on. Life is short. You have the opportunity to make a fresh start. Counseling will help you clarify your options. Go consult without him.
Dear Amy: I am known in my family to be a baker, and for the holidays I like to bake cookies, pies and pastries.
I also like to make special bread for the holidays.
My husband recently reconnected with a relative with special dietary needs (sugar-free and gluten-free), and he wants me to make extra meals (a dessert and bread) for each holiday event they attend.
While I’m not averse to some alternative baking, I don’t really have the time (or inclination) to make multiple alternative recipes for every occasion.
I have no problem buying items from the local gluten-free bakery to take out from them, and would be happy to do so.
Am I unreasonable?
– Baker
Dear Baker: If you’re hosting an event at your house where you’ll be providing all the baking, it would be a good idea to include something that parent can safely eat. Remember that everyone can eat foods that are sugar and gluten free, so maybe you can find a recipe that is tasty and safe for everyone to consume, saving you from having to double cook.
If you’re providing all the baked goods for an event outside of your home, then yes, it’s a good idea that you also bring something safe to eat for that relative. Homemade or store bought, who cares? It’s really the thought that counts.
And speaking of thoughts – because it’s so important to your caring husband, maybe he can shoulder some of the responsibility for providing those specialty baked goods.
Dear Amy: I was amused by your response to “Clean Please!” a letter from a woman who was about to move into her boyfriend’s extremely messy little apartment.
You warned her of the red flags on this situation, when you really should have warned her! He’s the one she will relentlessly try to change the second she moves in. It is he who will be considered a “problem”. It is he who will constantly disappoint her.
— Disappointed guy
Dear disappointed: I assure you that if the letter had been written by the male partner in this situation, I would have warned him, for the reasons you indicate.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to receive entertainment news straight to your inbox.
[ad_2]
denverpost
