When my older sister called to let me know that the painful bump in her chest was not a channel of blocked milk while breaking her newborn, my world broke. My 31 -year -old sister received a 3C stadium breast cancer diagnosis.
I immediately bought a one-way plane ticket to stay with her and help with my 2 year old nephew and my newborn baby. Over the next two and a half years, I looked at my formerly strong and authoritarian sister becoming slowly nailed. She then became unable to walk or breathe without oxygen.
In our last conversation, I told him that I wanted to be able to take his place. After all, I had no children and I had an unhappy marriage. My sister replied that she was happy that she was her and not me. She said she wanted me to have children and I really feel life.
She then asked me to promise to live a life for the two of us, doing the things she could not do. She encouraged me to create happiness despite the difficult decisions I had to make. I made this promise to him, changing my life forever.
At first, I couldn’t manage sorrow and ignored the promise I made
His death, although finally expected, shook my feeling of mortality and broke me. We had always spoken to age together in a nursing home and bicker with each other at 95, sharing a room as we did when we were children.
At 27, I was deeply aware that I had no guarantee of time. Like everyone, I thought I had decades before thinking about mortality, not to mention a list of buckets.
I was in denial for years. I was lacking in direction, strength and self -esteem.
The race has become my outlet for sorrow. When I was tired and wanted to stop, I imagined my sister in her wheelchair, out of breath, and I did another step for her.
After the death of my sister, I had no mental or emotional energy to face my failing pup. Having a baby did not repair it.
I was wondering if it was the life that my sister was planning for me when she died. Suddenly, I knew it was not the case. At 29, I finally admitted that I was anything but happy and I knew it was time to make a change.
I finally acted on the promise I made with my sister
Braving the judgment I knew that I should face, I left my wedding and moved the states with my baby and two large dogs to realize my dream of living near the beach despite the nearby family to help. I started to say “yes” to more things and to attack my list of newly created buckets.
An opportunity to visit Hawaii appeared and I jumped on it. In just one week, I seemed, I was certified by diving, hiked a mountain at sunrise and swam with sharks.
Keep my promise to say yes, to create happiness – has changed everything. I gained confidence and self -esteem. This transformation led me to my life partner and my husband, whom I met on the beach. We got engaged and married on this same sand.
Having my second child with him and feeling renewed in my career and my personal relationships, I now live a life of which myself 90 years – and my sister – would be proud.
I choose myself daily and I delete what doesn’t use me. Each year, I celebrate aging; Every birthday that I see means that I am still alive, and I will never take this for granted.
I always live near the same beach where I rebuilt my life, and my car is covered with sand, dog hair, children’s toys and sunscreen – just like I had always hoped.
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