Dear Miss Manners: I worked with someone who was a passive-aggressive uber and who made my life at work difficult. Fortunately, she retired at the end of the semester.
There was a retirement gathering for her with a cake and a coffee, given by her colleagues. I swore a chair of division a long time ago to never attend a rally for this individual, so I jumped it.
I was confronted and scolded concerning my absence. I did not want to lie, so I said that there were personal problems that prevented me from witnessing it.
Should I have to go and be the best person? Should I have lied that I had an appointment?
Mild player: “Passive-aggressive” is one of these terms that Miss Manners has never fully understood.
Would an example be used for the wrong behavior of a colleague for years without resolving it, then to evacuate the accumulated frustration by getting rid of his duty as president of division to attend a ceremonial meeting in honor of the retirement of this person?
It is not as clear on the moral distinction between being truthful about your absence (when there are no consequences) in relation to having probably been civil and professional every previous day (when there were).
What would have been the evil to introduce yourself to a colleague you don’t care – but will no longer have to review afterwards? Instead of being the best person, we can call them to be the largest person. Or do your job. Or show that there are more important things in your life than his bad behavior.
Dear Miss Manners: A family member called to confirm the birth dates and birthday dates for my adult children and their spouses.
When I reminded her that my daughter and daughter-in-law had chosen to keep their young girl names when they married their husbands, she replied that she knew, but that she would continue to address their birthday cards like “M. and Mrs. John Doe ”.
I am politely but firmly in disagreement, to which she replied that she was there – not one, but twice.
I wonder what you think of this attitude. I find it disrespectful, not only of my daughter and my daughter-in-law, but of me.
Mild player: Knowingly attacking cards incorrectly is disrespectful towards the recipients. To tell you his plan to do it is sassy and pick a fight. To tell you that she does not care about your opinion, twice, is redundant and boring.
And Miss Manners notes that this is done as a prelude to parents who wish to loved it during their birthdays and birthdays.
Dear Miss Manners: When I publish online invitations to several guests at the same time, I generally use the option to hide the guest guests list.
I do not know why I do this, except that when I sent invitations by mail, no one (or waited) (or waited) a list of other guests.
However, some of our friends, before we say whether they plan to attend or not, immediately ask who else is invited or who arrives. It makes me ask me if they only plan to want if the list includes cool children.
Mild player: Don’t ask you anymore.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, gentlerader@missmanners.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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