I tried to “repair” my son and I finished learning something about me

“I have good news! No big explosions today or cry on the ground; he just needed additional support during our transitional hours!”

The sunny light and early afternoon crossed the window of the preschool of Ms. Barb when she delivered what was supposed to be encouraging news. But his description of my son’s day hurt. How was a “good day” for him had no full anger in the middle of the class?

As I brought him home, folding my eyes against the shiny sun, he suits quietly on the rear seat. I tightened the steering wheel stronger, fighting tears. I felt like I was spoiling everything. From our four children, his behavior was uncontrollable and I was constantly looking for means of “repairing” it.

The end of the evening search that has changed everything

Every night, after having rooted the children, I found myself in my usual place on our sofa, scrolling the parental items. My eyes would be heavy, but my mind would run. What can I do differently? It was then that I saw an article on very sensitive children, and I stopped scrolling.

I sat down more straight while I read each line. These children hate crowds. They cannot bear noisy noises. They collect everything around them, are very intelligent and feel emotions as if they were transformed in full volume.

This explains why he would cover his ears and cry when things became too chaotic around him. No wonder he melted in preschool, church and birthday feasts – it was because he was overtaked. Everything I fought was now perfectly logical. But there was something else. This list did not only describe my son, he described me too!

Find myself in the history of my child

While I read more on very sensitive people (HSP), the memories of my own childhood came to mind. At 14, I remember sitting in my room after school, overwhelmed by my friend’s rupture – feeling her pain as intensely as if it was mine. I called him “too empathy” at the time, and it finally led me to become therapist. But until this moment, I never understood why I felt all so deeply that the others seemed to do it.

This also explained why I take tiny details that others are missing and why I am easily exceeded. I realized right now that all this time, I tried to repair my son when, really, he helped me to understand a part of me who had always felt a flaw.

A new way of parenting and life

The discovery that night has changed so much about the way I live and the parent now. I stopped seeing my son’s sensitivity as something that was to change. Instead, I saw him as a trait that was only part of him and with whom we could work.

We are now leaving the birthday parties a little early if it starts to be overwhelmed. We ensure that he has downtime after school to decompress. He and I talk about being HSP, which helps him treat his great emotions.

And just like him, I started to understand how to plan my life in a way that works, not against my sensitivity. I no longer feel guilty of having puts headphones committed in noise when my children become too noisy and overtimulating.

Make the loop

What started as a desperate attempt to repair my son’s anger attacks has become one of the best things that happened in my life. It is finally permission to be exactly who I am and to allow my son to be exactly who he is. Now, when parents come to my therapy practice describing their “difficult” or “too emotional” child, I see the familiar signs. I share my story, watching help to wash on their faces as they start understanding their child differently.

Last week, a mother tore when I explained how her daughter’s sensitivity was not a problem to solve, but is just one of whom she is. These sessions have gone from problem -solving missions to conversations where parents discover new ways of working with the sensitivity of their child.

Because often, the very things that we try to change about our children are the things that can teach us most about ourselves.