Dear Eric: Our family will celebrate our mother’s 100th anniversary this fall.
We had planned to have an open day to include the only living sister, the family and the neighbors of the community to honor a 100 -year inheritance that does not occur for everyone.
The son of my niece proposed to his girlfriend in February and decided to set a wedding date the same weekend as our mom’s birthday. We are all very upset that they have chosen this particular weekend. We believe that when the calendar came out to choose an appointment, my niece (his mother) should have taken this weekend of the table and told them that it was reserved.
My niece suggests that we are organizing the 100th anniversary party on Sunday, the day after the wedding. We believe that it is exaggerated for a weekend and would eclipse each event which should have its own special time.
Me, as well as others, I live outside the state. I am at 10 am. So, plan B would be to have the celebration of mom the previous weekend, which means traveling 40 hours if I want to be there the two weekends for my mother’s real birthday.
I called my niece to see if there could be another weekend for them and she said that she did not want to interfere.
We believe that mom and our plans (whom she knew) were missed. How can we sail in all this situation? I think it will be a tense and unhappy event for everyone.
– Disabled
Dear disrespect: Your mileage can vary (literally) but make a 10 -hour trip for the party, then, for example, a few weeks later, by making the same 10 am trip for the wedding, if it had been reprogrammed, seems much more annoying than the plan to have an event on Saturday and the other on Sunday while everyone was in town.
When you start to descend the branches of a family tree, the calendar is complicated. Frankly, it can be difficult to be satisfied with a date compatible with the people of your own house.
To plan his marriage, the son of your niece negotiates with the needs of his immediate family, the extended family and the family of his fiancée. Not to mention the availability of places and, that smaller things: what the real couple wants. Let’s give them a break.
The marriage is not going to steal the thunder of your mother’s remarkable note. These events have slightly rided guest lists and different objectives, both wonderful.
I do not see a lack of respect here; I see pragmatism. By kissing the weekend as a double celebration of the past and the future of your family, you create more significant memories than if you approach it with resentment.
Dear Eric: My husband and I are in our 1970s. He works full time, looks at a lot of sports, is a lot on his computer and runs shopping. I work part -time, at home clean, to cook, to do laundry and gardening work.
I know that my husband loves me, but he does not seem to have respect for my feelings.
I love my kitchen, but my husband thought he needed a lot of major changes. I said I loved it like that. He started these projects months ago. The kitchen is now in disorder and it is always too tired to work there.
There are other projects, large and small, which never happen.
I will lose it or flee from my home.
– Perplex on projects
Dear puzzling: You do so much, even the thought of a difficult conversation on this kitchen mess is surely exhausting. The thought of a half -reshaped kitchen is enough to send me directly to bed. You have my sympathy.
Fuiser may not be necessary, but see if you can find a break for yourself. Are there friends or family that you can visit? Take time away from the construction site – and tell your husband why – will help you breathe easier.
Although your husband may have had the best intentions, the intention has no equal impact. And that will both help you if you are kind but clear to him about how it affects you.
Is it possible for him to bring someone to help them put the kitchen on the right? Ask him to do it and give you a realistic calendar for when it will happen. He can see cooking as another article on the list of tasks, but that affects your life every day. Share this with him and ask him if he understands.
This should not be an animated speech, but it should be oriented towards the objective.
If the objective of repairing the kitchen is not something for which it can make a clear plan, you can introduce option B: a discussion on how the family budget can be restructured to allow take -out dishes every day.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askinric.com or Po Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram @ouric and register for his weekly newsletter in Rercthomas.com.
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