My daughter called me from the university, crying because she hated it

Moving my daughter at university came with expected emotions: tears, excitement and a good dose of nerves. Goodbye, we continued to smile, but the tears were just below the surface. The change is always difficult, but I did not know that it was only the start of a long road.

In high school, my daughter took an advanced placement and early Collegial course. She worked hard, obtained an excellent GPA and entered each school to which she applied. The university was the next step and it was ready.

But everything crashed once I left it on the campus to finally start this next phase. My daughter called me crying, telling me that she hated college. I didn’t know how to help him.

My daughter had trouble adapting to university life

At first, everything seemed good. Her lessons were great, and her first assignments reflected the high notes she had won high school. While I expected a period of pain in the country, what I did not expect was how deeply she would be unhappy.

She called daily, crying and declaring how much she hated that and lacked the house. She was engaged in her specialization program and her courses, but each conversation clearly said that it was not only a difficult adjustment. It was something more.

It is up to her to be uncomfortable in her environment. She failed to be somewhere familiar and to have the regular family support.

After a month, it has become clear that no encouragement or waiting would change his feelings. My daughter felt trapped and stuck in a situation she hated.

Supporting her was going to be the key

Because my daughter was already independent and capable, I had to think carefully about the best way to help her, according to her conditions.

Despite Advice from other parentsI won the phone each The time she called. Sometimes we barely spoken; She just needed to feel less alone. Other times, she spent everything that seemed badly. Sometimes I reminded her that she could do difficult things.

There were tears every time. I learned to stop reacting to them and letting her feel everything she needed.

Her friends – and other parents I knew – insisted that she stays on campus Every weekend to adapt. Although this advice works for many, it did not work for it. So I told her to go home on weekends. Since we were in the state, it was possible and has made all the difference.

During a difficult week in school, she knew she only needed to spend a few more days before going home. It motivated her and helped her go through when it felt hard.

We have taken drastic measures that helped my daughter adapt better

She was not interested in the support services offered on the campus which generally help many students in similar situations. Instead, we found a virtual advisor that provided adaptation strategies and decision -making tools that have really helped.

I also surprised us both with my advice: I told her that she could leave college – for good.

Giving permission to leave her reminded her that she had chosen to be there. This change has changed everything. It gave him the freedom to leave, but it also gave him his property.

In the end, she decided to stay in school. She left campus for her second year And was much happier to have your own space. A certain separation between school and where she lives was the key.

I had to go against parental advice to do what was good for my child

At the top of my daughter’s difficulties, I turned to other parents to get help. Most told me to make sure my daughter stayed on campus and just power. They also told me not to answer the phone whenever she called so that she could face these problems herself.

These can be useful directives – if they work for your child. These tips did not work for my child.

Instead of following generic advice, I trusted my instinct and listened to what I knew about my daughter. It made all the difference.