I had post-adoption depression when I adopted at 47

“I am afraid of not being able to do this,” sobbed my social worker on the phone. “What if I made a terrible mistake?”

Inasmuch as 47 year old single mom Teenagers, when I decided to adopt a little girl, I assumed that as experienced parent, I would be fine.

After all, there would be no hormonal changes after an adoption, unlike the birth of my first daughter. I had Breastfeeding problemcould not appease it crying and the days were blurred. I felt uncompromising and discouraged. Slowly, with my husband in a night bottle service, my gloom has calmed down. And then, when my son was born two years later, I was happy from the moment I brought him home.

As the children were go to universityI was divorced and nostalgic for these precious days of swimming and school games. My heart aspired to another little one, and after two years of study at home and administrative formalities, I was twinned with a baby from Vietnam. In mid-September 2001, the adoption was finalized and I brought it home.

However, in a way, during all these visits and control lists, no one told me that post-adoption depression was one thing.

When I got home with Isabella, I was exhausted

The first days with Isabella, 5 months, were a whirlwind of travel to the orphanage, government offices and doctors. Back home involved four flights out of 12,000 miles and 11 time zones. All were delayed and I lacked formula. I thought it would be a relief to be back in my own house. Instead, exhausted and alone, my strength disappeared and I was overwhelmed with sadness.

Maybe I had obtained my Comeuppance: who was I to think that I could manage a baby 24/7 without a partner? Clear on the sofa, I called my agency social worker.

“Give yourself time to bond,” she advised, “everything will be fine.” I was not convinced.

Isolated, frightened and helpless, I tried to repel my doubts. Was sleep deprivation Play tips in my mind?

Over time, I started to feel better, and we settled together

After 72 hours without shower, change of clothes, good meal or conversation for adults, I organized myself for a baby-sitter and I met a friend in a restaurant. My stomach was still in nodes, but I had a few French toast bites. To my surprise, while we chatted, the Malédise calmed down. I even smiled. Was it a high sugar of maple syrup, I wondered?

Always trembling, I decided to go back to work and I managed to See a therapist. Seeing how to get out of the outside raised my mood, I forced myself to get out of my robe, to take the Isabella grocery store and the playground.

Two weeks later, my father, an amateur carpenter, came to install shutters. To keep Isabella occupied, I sat on the floor and sung her stupid rhymes while she was jumping in her videotais seat. When I met her for the first time, she had barely managed to raise her head.

Dad posed his tools, looked at her and said, “My boy, Oh my boy, isn’t it adorable?” I was filled with love, and it was the beginning of my return of confidence.

It was progressive – about a month – until I really feel better. Back to work Earlier helped me have the impression that life was more in control, just like for baby and girlfriends for dinner. But it took weeks after my return home to stabilize the sleep and consumption of Isabella. Meanwhile, I was deprived of sleep, anxious and I couldn’t eat. I was afraid and I was ashamed that I felt so inept when I got home.

The social worker remained in contact with me, ensuring that I had lived a lot and that I would be fine. She told me not to be hard with myself and it would take time. When a large group of friends launched me a surprise baby shower on October 21, filled with so much love and smiles, I knew I was on the right track. As each mother knows, there are ups and downs on each parental trip, and I was ready to be the mother that Isabella needed.

Last year, I opened Instagram and I saw that Isabella, now a studenthad posted a photo of us at the orphanage. In legend, she wrote: “Happy birthday to the most wonderful mother we can ask” with an emoji of heart. My mind has skyrocketed, and it was not because of maple syrup. I was grateful to be the parent forever deserved.