Dear Miss Manners: I am blind and I have been since birth. Unlike some people I know, I am not offended if people ask me questions or say something about it. I am comfortable with the way I am, and even make jokes on this subject myself sometimes.
But sometimes, when people I don’t know well say something like “good to see you”, the conversation becomes embarrassing because they think I must be offended by this.
On the one hand, it’s just a figure of speech, and for another, I say that to people joking all the time.
What do I tell people in these annoying moments when they start to apologize, even if I don’t think it’s necessary?
Soft reader: “I see what you are coming.” But I don’t really see that as being offensive.
Dear Miss Manners: I like to socialize with a group of women in my community. There is a group text for 14 of us who often meet for social events.
Recently, some of the ladies discussed the pleasure they had had for pleasure, and it was obvious that half of the group had not been invited. This is not the first time that has happened.
I think they should keep such private texts. It is their choice not to include me, but I think it’s rude to boast.
Mild player: Harsh to boast? Isn’t that national sport?
Social media have sabotaged the tact rule against the mention of social events to people who have not been invited.
Miss Manners would warn against the publication of online games, unless a group limited to guests, if she thought she was even the least chances of success. But she knows that people don’t listen to. They can’t wait to show the world what fabulous event they organized (or assisted).
So, let’s work on the other end, starting with the recognition that everyone cannot be invited to everything. There are only so many people that you can get on a boat.
To be offended, you should have really been systemically excluded on occasions when everyone in your circle had been invited.
Even then, you can cut links with these friends, or you can probe to see if you have somehow caused an offense. But you should not challenge the prerogatives of the hosts to choose their guests.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband recently died and I sent thanks to all those who offered a monetary gift or sent flowers.
Are the thank you notes required to those who attended the alarm services? I heard that a friend of a friend had been offended not to receive a thank you.
Mild player: Really? Anyone thought that participating in your husband’s wake was a favor for you?
Miss Manners does not want to discourage letters of thanks, which are rare. If the hosts want to write to thank their guests, she will not discourage them. But unlike the guest’s ordinary obligation to thank their hosts, this is not necessary.
Such a wait is particularly ugly in relation to funeral services, where the goal is to be respect for the deceased and to offer comfort to bereaved.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners on her website, www.missmanners.com; To his e-mail, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or by post to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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