At Life Kit, we have heard a lot of relational advice over the years. These nine advice from sex and relationship experts stayed with us.
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Being in a relationship can be magical – But it can also be difficult work. There are conflicts to be resolved, conversations that are difficult to have and tribulations to overcome.
Whether you have just started to go out together or have decades in a wedding, Life’s sex and kit relationships offer surprising and useful advice on love and romance. This includes how to know if you have found “the one”, how to tell your partner that you are not satisfied with your sex life and what to do if a cheating partner.
These responses have been modified for duration and clarity.
A simple sign that you found “the one”
“You want someone who celebrates your successes with you. So, if something great happens and your partner is like” let me give you a dinner “important to you.”
–Mandy Len Catron In the episode “Which makes a good partner. “She is the author of the test collection How to fall in love with anyone And the viral 2015 New York Times article “To fall in love with anyone, do that. “”
Why a spark may not mean as much as you think
“(In my book), I demyse three myths around the spark. The first is that the spark cannot grow. This is absolutely not true. We have research that shows that 11% of people feel the thunderbolt.
The second myth is that if you feel the spark, it is a good thing. Some people are really sparkling. They give everyone the spark. They are really charming. And maybe they are really narcissistic. So what you think you are emerging between you and this other person is actually something they give off to many types of people.
The third thing is that it is not because you have the spark at the beginning that it will be a viable relationship. Many divorced couples that I interviewed say they had the spark. “”
–Logan Ury In the episode “The science of finding a partner“She is a behavioral scientist, director of relational sciences to the hinge of meetings and author of How not to die alone.
How to resolve conflicts while preserving your relationship
“The masters of relationships, those who remain together fortunately, have a ratio of five times more positive emotion than negative emotion in a conflict. By simply expressing interest in the discussion, by nodding, by vocalizing , saying, tell me more, “contact a visual contact – which lubricates the wheels of communication.
While when there is a dead end, people express no affection. There is very little humor. These are stone walls, just there, as opposed to trying to reach mutual understanding. “”
–John Gottman In the episode “How successful couples manage conflicts“He is a researcher in relation and clinical psychologist and co-author of Fight right: how successful couples transform the conflict into connection.
How to create privacy (when you don’t have sex time)
“It is important to cultivate and feed the part of your relationship that makes you more than friends. I am not opposed to orgasms, but you must extend and mature your definition of intimacy.
Can you be on without having to do anything? Can you feel the pleasure of holding your hand, snuggling, kissing or being done without having to go anywhere? “”
–Aaron Steinberg In the episode “Keep intimacy alive after having a baby. “He is a couples coach who teaches parents waiting “Babyproof” their relations.
Your relationship status has nothing to do with your value
“Many people, especially people who are single and try to find a partner, have this idea that once they meet their person, their happiness will be much larger. It is in fact not the way in which Happiness works.
–Jenny Taitz In the episode “How to enjoy single life. “She is a clinical psychologist and author of the book How to be single and happy.
Why infidelity can sometimes come with a silver lining
“If people choose to rebuild their relationship for the right reason, they end up with a better and healthier relationship than ever. That the price of stickers is stiff.
–Talal Alsaleem In the episode “What’s going on after someone cheats. “It’s a clinical psychologist And an approved marriage and family advisor who, over almost two decades, helped hundreds of couples to travel their infidelity.
How to gently offer constructive criticisms of your sex life
“Try the method of sandwich criticism, but with 90% bread and 10% criticism. (You could tell your partner,)” I love our relationship. I love our erotic connection. I’m going to say something, And I worry I will feel like I criticize you, but I just try to connect with you. It takes.
–Emily Nagoski In the episode “Dear Kit of Life: I am married but I hate our sex life. “She is a sexual educator and author of Come as you are: the new surprising science that will transform your sex life.
What if you are curious to go out with more than one person
“Just a moment, imagine that everything is absolutely possible and see what is going on. Just let your mind think about what would be cool, which would be fun and affirming the life of having significant ties with more people in your life.
–Liz Clark In the episode “A beginner’s guide on non -monogamous relationships. “Clark is A clinical psychologist and director advice to the new school.
How to know when it’s time to break
“If you notice that you are at the time you have such a deep resentments – there have been betrayals, dishonesty, continuous quarrels and a lack of conflict resolution that no matter what you do, cannot repair – This is when you start to consider separating.
–Susan Winter In the episode “The art of rupture“She is a relational expert based in New York and author of the book Rupture sorting: Healing of sorrow.
Digital history was published by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We would be delighted to hear you. Leave us a voice message at 202-216-9823, or send us an email to Lifekit@npr.org.
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